Husband Threatened to Leave, Don't know what to do

[TrentC]

The rules aren't hard and fast. If he needs to hear it from time to time as part of one of your 180s then say it.

If you want to balance your desire to show him affection and have him respond to it, then try this.

When he is cold and distant, then simply tell him "I love you" and maybe he just gets a hug. When he's being nicer, then maybe he gets "I love you" with a genuine smile, longer hugs, and maybe a kiss (or more).

Don't tell him what you are doing, because it will seem manipulative. But you are showing him that the nicer he is to you, the more and better the affection he receives. ("Show, don't tell.:)