I ache in the depths of my soul tonight. I don't want to give up the dream. However I hurt so badly.
I have been DBing. I have done things I have never done before. I am trying new things and trying to move on with me. I do things to take care of me but nothing. I learn new things and better myself however It's feels like a big facade and that the inner me is being ripped raw and naked across a pile of glass shards.
It's now been three weeks since we have spoken. He just got back from a family trip. He sister posted a family picture they had done when he was home. A professional family portrait. He didn't even bother to tell me he is back. How can he not want to know if I am ok? I know he leaves again in two days for a business trip. His daughter told me. She wanted to stay with me while he is gone but I won't be in town.
I am on a muscle relaxant for my leg injury and am now wondering if can add to my depression. I thought it would be a good thing to help me sleep but I can't stop crying. I miss him and I want him to make it better. I want this all to be a terrible nightmare but it isn't and keeps going on and on. Is it just reality creeping in again - I don't know. I never wanted to divorced but how could I even consider staying married to someone who could avoid me like this. He acts like I am nothing so easily replaceable. Didn't our time mean anything to him
