Surviving Separation

[slow_it_down]

Well my squirrel has run back to the safety of his tree, or back ino the darkness of his tunnel by going back into complete no contact mode on me. He hasn't even replied to a child care related email from last Thurs so I went ahead and made a decision w/o his input.

It's funny to think that for a long time I prayed for a sliver of a chance to have some normal contact thinking all I needed was that one little chance for everything to be ok. Well I got a few days of feeling like things were headed toward 'ok' only to have that whole turn of events w/ OW. Instead of closer to 'ok' that little sliver of normal contact led to the sitch getting worse by circumstances outside my realm of control.

This let down was a good reminder not to pin too much hope on certain things. For example I used to take great hope from thinking that my H will magically want to be w/ me again if I leave him alone unil the baby is born and show my best side when he's visiting here at the house after delivery. I now feel pretty "hopeless" and accepting that probably won't happen. Picturing time spent alone w/ my new son and kids as a likely reality instead of fantasizing about a miracle reconcilliation when our baby arrives is both sad and empowering.