I am sorry you found out your H is having an A, I know how much it [censored] (I've been the cheater and the one cheated on) but it doesn't mean your H wants your M to be over regardless of what he is saying today. He is confused and you are as hurt as you will most likely ever be, as well as confused. You cannot make any decisions now.
Most of your conversation sounds like WAS script. Take what you can from it to learn and grow but, as you know, this is certainly not all your fault.
Quote:
I think the best way to give us a shot in the future is to keep the divorce process and co-parenting relationship as positive and amicable as possible so I'm really focusing on doing that as well. It would be very easy for that to go south and us start hating each other. I'd really like to prevent that. I think he's committed to that too.
The best way to give you a shot for the future is to 180 his complaints. Yes you have to have a PMA and keep things friendly for your children but you need to being to DB. You haven't done that at all.
You need to start some activities (GAL)
You need to detach (every time you want to remind him of something from your M, argue with him, cry, have a R talk with him either get on here and vent or journal - do NOT talk to him about your M at all)
You want to be a little mysterious
My H wanted a D back in Feb, we had zero physical contact, R talks, etc.. for 3 months. I was always nice to him and I made a lot of inner changes - they are the important ones - he noticed. I know he is still watching to see if it is real and I know that it is. We are getting better each day and I believe we are starting to heal. Yesterday we had a long talk and he mentioned us going back to counseling.
My point above is that you have to really work on yourself and grow. Not just to get your H back but to fix the things that you need to fix to be a better person regardless. Once the changes are for you, they may allow your M to be fixed.
Hang in there. I know how badly you are hurting right now, I know how painful it is to find out that information. Take some time for yourself; when you are alone, allow yourself to cry; take walks; go out with girlfriends.
You will get through this and we will all help you.
M 46 H 44 D 12 S 8 M 9 T 11 BD 2/15/13 "Makes sense to stay together" 5/12/13 Agree we are 'healing' 7/13 Definitely Piecing 9/13
