-4 years H lives in town, see him on weekends, maybe once a week, during week.
-I am the mom, make the decisions etc. really don't let h make any and even if he disagrees he let's me have my way
- low desire marriage, my part, H is overweight, I am insecure about me...
-fall 2013 I snoop on phone find a list of to do which includes no more wife
-He says he is done doesn't love, hasn't for a long time. I say then he has to leave (I mean, don't come back for weekends)
-Ask if we can work on the marriage, he says no. So, we tell kids 2 weeks later
-Find out he is seeing someone in November. Started seeing her almost right after we split. I know her and he was running with her three or four weeks before our split
- H lies initially and says there is no one. I catch him out and he admits. -big chat in January, 14 hours, alcohol involved...makeout session included :P -continue to communicate, discuss our marriage etc. still has GF - GF goes away for a month, H is chatting, we go on a couple road trips, nothing physical. -GF comes back, breaks up with H because he is in contact with me . _H and I hang out a bit (we are an hour away), he is still frantically in love with GF, but won't give up our relationship. -H comments that when he left he expected to be happy, but wasn't, and i was. -H still hanging with GF, sleeping with her. -GF gives H ultimatum, her or me. H says me. -H goes to therapist who says, jag in the XGF, nine months isn't long enough, work on building friendship or whatever with XW - H connects with old college mate. He goes to her cottage every second weekend. He says they are "taking it slow". He admits they are in different places in their lives (she has small kids) - I have been out on a date (fail) but am pretty content to just be. -email today was friendly but not as friendly (me to him).
There you go, all I got lol!! H and I are separated, but have been physical a few times. He says I am his best friend and has mentioned to the person he is now dating that we are very good friends and I am in his life.
Oh and SLU I have to add that H asked me to basically drop out of his life about four weeks ago . We ML and he said ILYBINILWY , want to make relationship work with gf, asked me to defriend him on facebook. I said yes. That I loved him and if this is what he wanted I would. I even said if a divorce is what he needed, my lawyer could have papers within 24 hours.
He asked how I felt, I said sad and hurt, but balanced. He was puzzled. I told him that our book has yet to be written. He said friends or romantic, I said both. That we will either be together or we won't. When you look at those as the two options, there is a balance and I was okay with it.
That would've been my next question- where you guys are. What do you think he wants though? Why isn't he filing for D yet?
M37 H36 M8 T12 inc 3yr L-dist 7/12:H broke down 10/12:H dad D frm W4. BD soon after 1/13:H wants to leave 2/13:H gpa passed. Feels closer but H still leaving 3/13: S begins
He is not done. Simple as that. It was on the table once and he has never brought it up again. So, we see where these roads take us. I was a WAW still in my marriage. I had also disconnected and it took my H leaving to shake me out of it. I made changes that I thought I could never do, I became sure of myself, confident of me, found myself outside of being only a wife and mother.
I couldn't have doe these things. H said if I hadn't confronted him, most likely he would still be here. He was suicidal for a while after he left, but before as well.
He is getting better and I wish him well on this journey. I have been lucky to be walking my path since last year, and he has just started. So, I give him all the support he needs until he figures it all out. I am pretty much good with it. For now. Probably will come a day when I won't be and by then he will be fine
Not to say I don't have my "Oh darn, look, H got hit by a bus today. Also lost my job as bus driver...bad day" kind of times but hey...who doesn't??
He has expressed that in our marriage, there were only a handful of times he felt I needed him. That is true. I don't know how to let H feel he is needed, because I am not sure what it looks like.
Originally Posted By: tori2012
I always avoided asking Joe for help bc I didn't want to bother him, and he also said that he never felt needed and he wanted to feel needed. He said that was one of the reasons he had an A.
This is me totally.
My H complained of the same, not feeling needed. I didn't want to be a burden, so I did almost everything on my own. As uRworthy said it's healthy to want and not need. But I guess you have to make a man feel that way in many cases?
I remember when I was 20 yrs old, I visited my aunt & uncle. My uncle took me to the mall one day, the next day I wanted to go back with my aunt to get something I saw. My uncle got in his car and had us follow him, in our car, to the mall so he could show us the exact door we entered so I could easily find what I saw the day before, b/c he felt I wouldn't remember. Then he was going to drive somewhere else he needed to go across town while we were at the mall. My aunt said she thought it was silly we had to follow him, but she went along with it b/c sometimes you have to let a man be a man and feed his ego, let him feel needed. I still to this day think it was stupid, but I understand it better now.
me: 30 H:30 tgthr:7 m:4 no kids 5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012 long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012 official BD: July 2013 nothing filed 1/1/14 I dropped the rope
SIL manages restaurant/bar where I work in summer (slinging beer...love it!! )
A specific day she was wondering if H could come and help (2 weeks) I said you should text him now to ask. She said why? I said well, so he has time. (I know he spends every second weekend with new interest...not yet GF)
SIL says all he does is post about his food and activities and camping, sailing etc. What he needs to do is grow up!
She looks at me for validation...all I say is everyone gets there at their own pace...
I kind of stuttered because I didn't want to say "Ya! no kidding" how about your kids etc?
Now SIL and H are very very close siblings, so it was interesting to see how she is perceiving him lately..
H texts this morning and I have taken to turning my phone off when I get home and not turning it back on until I've had coffee etc. in the morning
-phone not on?
me- turned it off, just got up, worked late, up late
chit chat here...
-are you doing activity alone? (tomorrow)
me-yup Social experiment had all the personality of a piece of store bought pie. didn't get any of my jokes lmao. So I gave him the "It;s not you..." line.
-H-Don't need to know. Your call your life. Sorry it didn't work.
me- okay, I take back the info lol
_H- ok. working through my sh*t have a good day. I'll definitely see you tomorrow.
So, yeah, you do need to know or you would not have asked if I was doing activity alone.
And now he knows that social experiment was a fail, and I have not been contacting him, or interacting really and it wasn't due to new love interest. Maybe he will process that.
