Still at Square One!!!

[DFE]

H called again tonight and wanted to meet the kids and I for dinner. My friend and her family were with us so they joined us. My I shouldn't read too much into that but it did make me a little happy.

I am in a different place this time around. The first two times we separated I was extremely angry. This time I have finally forgiven him. In a way I understand why he has done this and I look forward to a new start. Hopefully with him and not without him.

I want to have one last talk with him before we sign our separation agreement but I am hesitant. I don't want him to throw away our marriage, family, and business. It hurts me that he will have to leave the business once we D. He will have to start from scratch and the business will also be affected.

My S4 broke down this morning because he wants to wake up with his daddy at home. It broke my heart. Isn't that worth trying to save this family?

I am not ready to have H come back even if he wanted to. That's not what I want to ask him. I just want him to give us a chance. A chance to date and reconnect with each other. I am not in a hurry for him to come back. I don't even want the same marriage. I want a new one. I have to admit that I don't think I am in love with him anymore either but I certainly do love him. Unconditionally love him. No matter what we have been through I forgive him and I need him to forgive me. He is angry with me for some reason. He needs to forgive me before we can move forward.

I just don't want to approach him and be rejected again so for the time being I just stay silent. I just don't think he is 100 percent done. I think he is done with our M the way it was and wants happiness. I do too.