Wife privileges reinstated, back in my own bed!

[mamabird]

Little bit of a backslide this weekend. H and I got in a huge fight but now I think I am much better equipped to deal with this kind of stuff.

So, the long and short of it centers on a miscommunication. We were trying to decide where to go to brunch with another family. I wanted to stay close since I had plans afterwards but there was some talk of going to a place 20 miles away. So I asked my husband where we were going and he said blah blah place 20 miles away. What I didn't know was that he was reading a text from his friend and not implying that this was the plan. Anyway, I got upset because I didn't feel heard. And I yelled, I guess.

Then he started with "you're angry over nothing." Hint: never say this to someone who is upset because it just makes things worse. On and on. I still didn't feel heard which just made me more and more upset. Then eventually he grabbed his phone to change the plan back to blah blah place 20 miles away and I told him to stop and when he didn't I smacked him.

Now I'm characterized as an "abuser" with a "problem". Yes, obviously it was wrong to hit him. Ridiculously wrong and I have apologized. But we're back in the same situation we were in before: he provoked me to take an action I wouldn't normally take, but he's blameless because I was the one who crossed the line. Just like he would constantly say he wanted to D me and a bunch of other things, but I was the one who "cheated".

Glad I read the book on gaslighting - it hasn't happened in a while but I'm glad I brushed up. The good news is we agreed to table the conversation until we see our MC tomorrow. H was very chilly yesterday but seems to be warming up slightly today.