Unbelievable

[MrBond]

"I need help and advice faster than this so called help site will allow.I will look elsewhere"

Sorry you feel like this. Whatever site you go to, you'll find out that as long as you're asking for FREE advice, you are going to have to be patient.

There's no better site than this one when it comes to formulating a plan of action and I've seen them all.

I can see exactly what you need to do to get your M back on track, but if you're not going to be around, good luck to you.

[Pippa]

I am still here, waiting to see my posts appear was a 12 hour wait.

Mr Bond,I would be interested to read what you mean in your last sentence.Thanks.

I cant change my husband's mind at the moment,I realise that,as the affair is still too new and exciting for him ( whatever their ages)
He says so many conflicting things, and is still hugging me mornings and nights and seems not to want to leave me to live with her at the moment, he could ,as she has a place to stay while she is over here.
He is also making plans for the autumn work we need to do in our garden and talking about repairing a chair that broke, I dont see why he would bother if he plans on leaving?

The first cracks in his smooth attitude appeared 2 days ago when he said to me " I might as well get a rope and hang myself and be done with it all", and he said something similar again yesterday. To me this indicates he is under a lot of turmoil and pressure.

At the moment the OW still has the upperhand but maybe if I can hang in there and be patient ,time is on my side? I dont know.

Thanks for all your replies, I am so wobbly and weak at the moment I need my hands holding !

[Pippa]

It is 24 hours since my last post.Oh dear.I see so many others getting though and mine falls further and further back. Please Mods take pity on me and let me through ! Thanks

[MrBond]

Could you tell us a little more about your overall marriage history?

[Pippa]

Our life hasnt been easy but we were in it together all the way and I thought,our love was stronger because of these times. The language difference made it hard for me at the beginning ( as it now will for the OW ) and my husbands family made things hard for us.We had lots of difficulties along the way but we stuck together and there was never any question of giving up. After our daughters were born we settled into a " normal" family life and now they are married with their own babies.

I thought we were so average we would be together till the end. I did not see any reason to leave over the years in spite of the difficulties we had.

Now it seems he has someone new and more exciting although she is 11 years older than himself.He says she is kind and nice and peaceful and more interesting to talk to and generally fun to be with.
I realise that AT THE MOMENT this is true,as all partnerships are like that when new,however,she will be very dependant on him as I was at the beginning ,for company and language help and in their case there will be no children to bind them together and make a focus point.
He is just repeating what he did 42 years ago when we met.

[Pippa]

I already sent a reply to Mr Bond about my oveall marriage history,and hope it appreas soon.

My next question is what do you all think about me exposing the affair to her family and friends and my husband's family( our children already know)
Another site has told me I must do this immediately, and I am confused now

[Pippa]

No reply yet but hope my post isnt too lost ....it has slid back to page 5 on the forum already:o(
So what do you all think about exposure to family and friends on both sides?

Also need to ask since husband is still more at home than away,how to cope with his laundry etc.

I wonder if the fact that he didnt move in with her when the affair became known is a GOOD sign or not?

[MrBond]

Actually, that isn't really your M history. I'm more interested about conflicts in the M. What did the two of you argue about? What were things that he had complained about to you specifically?

[Pippa]

Conflicts were his family to start with as they did not welcome me but he stuck up for me .Other conflicts were to do with the children and language problems and money .
He specifically says that he feels the mariage eroded from the start witht he stress of all the arguments and battles we had with other people !
He also says he feels I was always too critical of him , this maybe true sometmimes but not as much as he seems to think. He says it was difficult with me as I suffered epression for years and was always homesick for UK.
Now he says the only thing we talk about is the grandchildren ( not true )
It seems he suffers from lack of praises and attention.... but I suffered from lack of attention too and his withdrawal, which worried me so much but he gave no chance to talk.Now I know why..OW.