Two roads diverged in a yellow wood...

[Not Quitting]

I grew up in a different town and we moved to the city when my H got a job here. I have a few work friends and some friends from soccer, but most of my friends are wives of his close friends. I think one of my "GAL" things should be hanging out with my friends more often.

I don't have any family here in the city, my closest family is an hour and a half away, which is very hard for me. My friends seem to think I should tell my MIL about what is going on, but from what I've heard that is a BIG NO-NO!! I could not even imagine what she would say about us possibly separating. His parents just had their 40th wedding anniversary. I really like his family a lot, and get along with them well. I think they would be shocked if they found out what was going on. I would be disappointed if we were to separate, because it would mean losing them as part of my family.

I hear you there - most of my friends are married so going out with them is kind of awkward, unless we do a "girls' night, but those aren't very often because they have family committments. It's hard when friends aren't close - my best friend (if you don't count H) is in a different country and we only communicate through FB. And both sisters are married and live at least an hour or more away - not that we're really close though.

As for your MIL - I would definitely agree about that being a NO-NO. No matter how much she likes you, he's still blood and you know what they say - blood is thicker than water. I found that out the hard way with my SIL who supposedly doesn't get on with her brother (my H) and they haven't talked in years. That is until he turned up on her doorstep and gave her his side of the story. She immediately broke her promise to me to keep things between us and shared everything I'd said. Luckily I hadn't badmouthed him - just told her about OW and how he was walking away from a 16 yr marriage, how I believed it was MLC, and how much I still loved him and wanted to work things out. But he saw it as pressure at the time.

I've had suggestions made by one of the girls at work that I should look into joining an interest group. Find something you're interested in and see if there's an organized group in your area that you can join in with. I'm pretty lucky in this area - if my city doesn't have something, going either 20 minutes east or west I'm in another city with more options available.

My H was (is) my world as well. He is my best friend, or at least was. I keep hoping that one day he will be again. I know that if he really is in MLC then he doesn't mean to hurt me or our son, its just something going on in his brain that he can't control. We can only be there for them if/when they decide we are what they want and work on ourselves in the meantime. It seems like a long time looking forward but looking back it's hard to believe its already 7 months since BD - where has the time gone? And more importantly what I have been doing in that time to improve myself - probably not enough yet.

You've always got this forum for support. And I get the impression some of the members have developed friendships beyond the forum. At least you know they have someting in common and won't judge you on your decision to try and save your M.