I know everyone talks about Limboland, but it seems finding the map out of town is just as bad, if not worse. I typed it in on my GPS, and the lady's voice came back with a "your screwed" comment.
Yes, as much as I hate Limboland, the other alternative is not great either! Things seem to be going downhill quickly with us. I know that he feels he is hurting me and that is making him even more upset.
PMA this week!!! I am feeling more optimistic. I am going to do everything that I can possibly do on my end. If he continues to act how he is, I am not going to take it personally. I am going to continue light-hearted conversation. I talked to him this morning and he seemed in a much better mood, perhaps being away camping for the weekend gave him some needed space. If I notice him grumbling back I am going to BACK OFF! Now that I have a plan going into the week I am feeling the outcome will be better.
I can only do everything possible on my own end, the rest is up to him. I am going to have faith.
Enjoy your day everyone, and thanks for all of your support
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
I know everyone talks about Limboland, but it seems finding the map out of town is just as bad, if not worse. I typed it in on my GPS, and the lady's voice came back with a "your screwed" comment.
Yes, as much as I hate Limboland, the other alternative is not great either! Things seem to be going downhill quickly with us. I know that he feels he is hurting me and that is making him even more upset.
We all hate Limboland. And you're mind reading again. Stop trying to understand what he's feeling. Concentrate on what you're feeling and doing.
Keep up the PMA. You're definitely going to need it. We can't let their good days or bad days affect us. We're all going to have them, but we can only control our days not theirs.
Both 50 S14 M 16 yrs (his 3rd; my 1st)
ILYBINILWY - 24 Dec 2012 H moved out - 27 Jun 2013 Legally separated - 6 Sep 2013 Closing the door and changing the locks
Thanks, I am going to try to stay positive and not let him (and his moods) affect me, which is so hard for me because I am used to him being my whole world. I am trying to be more independant now, and I am quite happy with the results! I am driving around the city more, running more errands, doing more things with my friends, and finding time to exercise and garden.
I grew up in a different town and we moved to the city when my H got a job here. I have a few work friends and some friends from soccer, but most of my friends are wives of his close friends. I think one of my "GAL" things should be hanging out with my friends more often.
I don't have any family here in the city, my closest family is an hour and a half away, which is very hard for me. My friends seem to think I should tell my MIL about what is going on, but from what I've heard that is a BIG NO-NO!! I could not even imagine what she would say about us possibly separating. His parents just had their 40th wedding anniversary. I really like his family a lot, and get along with them well. I think they would be shocked if they found out what was going on. I would be disappointed if we were to separate, because it would mean losing them as part of my family.
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
I grew up in a different town and we moved to the city when my H got a job here. I have a few work friends and some friends from soccer, but most of my friends are wives of his close friends. I think one of my "GAL" things should be hanging out with my friends more often.
I don't have any family here in the city, my closest family is an hour and a half away, which is very hard for me. My friends seem to think I should tell my MIL about what is going on, but from what I've heard that is a BIG NO-NO!! I could not even imagine what she would say about us possibly separating. His parents just had their 40th wedding anniversary. I really like his family a lot, and get along with them well. I think they would be shocked if they found out what was going on. I would be disappointed if we were to separate, because it would mean losing them as part of my family.
I hear you there - most of my friends are married so going out with them is kind of awkward, unless we do a "girls' night, but those aren't very often because they have family committments. It's hard when friends aren't close - my best friend (if you don't count H) is in a different country and we only communicate through FB. And both sisters are married and live at least an hour or more away - not that we're really close though.
As for your MIL - I would definitely agree about that being a NO-NO. No matter how much she likes you, he's still blood and you know what they say - blood is thicker than water. I found that out the hard way with my SIL who supposedly doesn't get on with her brother (my H) and they haven't talked in years. That is until he turned up on her doorstep and gave her his side of the story. She immediately broke her promise to me to keep things between us and shared everything I'd said. Luckily I hadn't badmouthed him - just told her about OW and how he was walking away from a 16 yr marriage, how I believed it was MLC, and how much I still loved him and wanted to work things out. But he saw it as pressure at the time.
I've had suggestions made by one of the girls at work that I should look into joining an interest group. Find something you're interested in and see if there's an organized group in your area that you can join in with. I'm pretty lucky in this area - if my city doesn't have something, going either 20 minutes east or west I'm in another city with more options available.
My H was (is) my world as well. He is my best friend, or at least was. I keep hoping that one day he will be again. I know that if he really is in MLC then he doesn't mean to hurt me or our son, its just something going on in his brain that he can't control. We can only be there for them if/when they decide we are what they want and work on ourselves in the meantime. It seems like a long time looking forward but looking back it's hard to believe its already 7 months since BD - where has the time gone? And more importantly what I have been doing in that time to improve myself - probably not enough yet.
You've always got this forum for support. And I get the impression some of the members have developed friendships beyond the forum. At least you know they have someting in common and won't judge you on your decision to try and save your M.
Both 50 S14 M 16 yrs (his 3rd; my 1st)
ILYBINILWY - 24 Dec 2012 H moved out - 27 Jun 2013 Legally separated - 6 Sep 2013 Closing the door and changing the locks
^ I'm the same in that all my good friends are married. I feel like their Ws look at me like a pox that will infect their husbands.
Like we're contagious..... Awkward or what!
And singles clubs are out at least for now - I'm not single, I'm still married and I'm just fighting to stay that way. Sometimes GALing is a lose/lose scenario - risk the pity if married friends or the come-on tactics of the singles scene.
Both 50 S14 M 16 yrs (his 3rd; my 1st)
ILYBINILWY - 24 Dec 2012 H moved out - 27 Jun 2013 Legally separated - 6 Sep 2013 Closing the door and changing the locks
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
Ok, trying to keep up the PMA... but struggling with it!
I have been killing him with kindness! I have consciously made a point of being ready for him to react negatively to mostly everything, and letting it slide right off, and not affect me. I know how he is acting is not my fault but it still bothers me. And I still get the guilty feeling like I am doing something wrong.
He is nit-picking away at EVERYTHING, tiny little things, here and there, like he can't find where I put the laundry, or it is too hot in the house, why don't I have fans on, or I have spent too much money on groceries. I can't help it... it is driving me CRAZY!!! It's too a point where I am trying to be 'perfect' so that he won't complain. I don't want my life to be like this! I cannot be perfect, but I am trying really hard at making changes.
How should I be reacting when he is nit-picking and finding faults in everything I do. My 'trying not to do anything wrong' is obviously not working. I have been reacting calmly to all of this accusations and not getting worked up about it. As for the groceries, my plan is that next time he says I have spent to much I will calmly suggest to him that if he feels like I have spent too much perhaps we could go over the receipt together to come up with ideas of ways that we could slash our next bill, things that I should stop buying, etc. My old self would have told him that if he didn't like it, he could go get the groceries next time. Should I be validating when he is saying all of these nit-picky things? I am afraid I will come off as insincere.
For me it is hard because I am hearing all of these negative comments, and without hearing any positive comments. I do not hear any 'words of affirmation' from him, or receive any form of affection at all. Instead I get the feeling he wishes that I weren't around. I have been just trying to keep busy with the kids and myself and not worry about him.
Perhaps it is a phase, and he is just in a grumpy mood. For now I will 'keep on keepin on'. I have a feeling that I am falling out of love with him. I have so many angry and resentful feelings toward him right now. I will just have to detach more so I am not getting so bothered by everything, that is the hardest part.
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
