A New Beginning

[Not Quitting]

I know exactly what you are saying once again my father called me today and told me to go back to the lawyers office and file for legal separation and see if under that filing if I am able to move back to my home state. I do understand why my father wants me to do this so that I'm not stuck or out of things and plus I need to be with my family. And I really would love that I know I have been dealing with H first affair a year ago and now he is living with the current OW it only has been about couple of days since this new situation. At this time I just need to slow down and figure what is my next step my mind and health is all over the place I don't know how I'm going to be able to pay for everything on my small paycheck and with the amount H has agreed to give me each month. I just need at lease a month to figure things out. There is so much on my plate right now I'm about to turn my phone off so I don't anymore phone calls and texting. The only thing is I can't right now I'm still waiting for the delivery of my sons beds iI hope it will be here soon.

It's the waiting for everything that's the worst. That and the worrying about money. I feel for you. In my M I was the main breadwinner, but there is absoultely no way I can afford rent, and groverie, car payments, insurance, etc, etc without the extra income that H's paycheque gave us.

My father isn't pushing for me to file, but he certainly questions anything I do when it comes to H. H ended up staying over last night and I felt like a teeanager with a curfew this morning trying to sneak H out of the house before my father got up. Didn't work as he got up early, and of course the questions started. At least my H isn't living with OW and I sometimes get the impression that she may be going the way of the dodo but it's hard to tell for sure.

I'm not overly close with my family, just living with my father for financial reasons, but to be honest I'd choose H over my family if that's what it takes to save my marriage. I just hate the waiting for some positive sign that H really does want to work on us. I guess if it was easy everyone would do it and the divorce rates worldwide would drop.

You need to look after yourself. If you're not well your sons will suffer as well. They need at least one parent in their live who can be strong for them. Be selective about the texts/calls you answer. If it doesn't relate to the beds then ignore them for now. Friends and family will understand that you just need some time to clear your mind and catch your breath.