New here-hi everyone

[chl0901]

Hi lost, I agree with adinva, I think it would be nice of you to text your H happy birthday, but don't be upset or worry about if or what he responds. I'm glad you are getting to spend this quality time with your grandmother, and I'm sure it means the world to her that you are there right now! Keep your focus on her while you are there, and not your H or the lab. If you brought DB with you, try to read some more of it while you're away. Good luck with your sitch!

[Lostinpain]

Thank you for your responses and I think you both are right. I will send him a short message and expect nothing.

[Lostinpain]

It's my birthday today, H wished me a happy birthday. We texted just a tad bit. Without me prompting it he mention he was happier and more liberated now that he was alone. This really hurt to hear, but I just responded by saying I was happy for him. What else am I suppose to say? It's hard at times when H says stuff like that. I feel like everything is doomed to fail.

There's nothing much to do in terms of GAL as I'm in a small town. I've been focusing on my crafts and reading some books I've been too busy to read due to school. My grandma is doing much better, but I don't feel ready to go back. Should I even if my husband is happier with me not there? I have to at the latest by the end of August.

[DFE]

My H said the same the last night. It's super painful to hear that the one you love isn't missing you like you are missing them. It hurt me at first but then I realized he hasn't been happy for a while and to him anything is better than the kind of marriage we had. I'm trying to learn not to take things personally.

Try joining a meetup group or something like that to meet new people. I know it's super hard and I struggle with it daily. But in the end the worse thing that will happen is you will divorce and even that's not the end of the world. You are young and have much living to do. Good luck.

[chl0901]

Happy birthday, lost! I hope you're having a nice day despite everything. I'm also glad to hear your grandmother is doing better. I say stay a little longer if you are able to and not feeling ready to go back yet. Enjoy some more "me" time with your reading and crafts. Best wishes!

[Lostinpain]

Thank you for the comments. It helps DFE knowing I'm not going through things alone. I know I shouldn't take things personally sometimes its just difficult. I need to keep focusing on myself. Thanks chl0901 for the wishes. I think I will end up staying until I get more time to focus on myself.

[specialk]

Happy birthday, Lost! Sending you lots of love today.

I know what your H said hurt your feelings, but I think you handled it very well! Besides, for all we know, he's just telling you he's happier but he's actually moping around eating a tub of ice cream on the couch lol

In any event, definitely take the time to focus on you and do the things that you love, like reading and crafts. By the way, what kind of crafts are you into?

[Lostinpain]

Hi specialk. Thank you for the kind words.

I'm into painting and more recently plastic canvas items. I'm making tissue box covers for everyone to kill some time Lol. Ive already made myself a coaster set. Generally speaking ive tried just about every craft at some point, it varies based on my mood. I would like to try mosiac next if I can find an art store out here.

[Whiterose]

Happy birthday Lost

Have a lovely time painting

[Lostinpain]

Just journaling:

I don't know why, but I thought things would get easier the more time passed by. I've been doing pretty good at keeping contact to nearly nothing. The more we go without contact the more I miss him, but every time I feel myself getting weak I reread sandi's rules. It really does help to read them through over and over again. I really do believe that the more I focus on myself the better things will become, but I have to think when will this feeling of missing him end? Sometimes I just want to give up, and other days I realize anybody I find I will just want him to by like my H.... I've been helping grandma with the grocery bills as H and I still share a checking account. We've discussed me getting a part time job while I'm in the Master's program (as it's not as intensive as an undergrad degree). I texted H that I will pay him back for all the money I've spent on my grandma but he didn't respond. I just hope he doesn't think I'm sucking all the money out of him. He makes good money but also does poor money management. I was going to get the job to save up for a house while he paid off his debt with his own money. I still want to get a house after the Master's program regardless of my marital status.
As for working on myself, I decided to pick up some white canvas shoes and draw pictures on them of sharpies via my sister's request for wanting dragon shoes. I've been having fun with getting artsy. My (younger) sister is moving to Los Angeles as she just got accepted into UCLA, so I'm going to be super excited when she moves closer to me. I really do enjoy our time together. I've also been helping grandma in the garden. She's gained enough strength to pull weeds with me, something she's been too depressed to do after my grandpa passed away (they've been married for over 60 years). Sometimes seeing pictures of them on the walls makes me feel like a failure, but one of my goals is focusing off the negative more often.
Another huge emotional goal is realizing even though I tell people I forgive them I don't. H said I never let go of anything, and someone on here (sorry I forgot who) posted forgiveness= happiness. As I read what they had to say I realized I could be much happier if I learned to let go of why and how people have hurt me. Especially concerning the in-laws, I've always been bitter towards my H regarding his parents. I realized that's because I've never truly forgiven them for how they've treated me, and continue to treat me. I then come to realize if MIL is mean to me, it's because of her own issues and it has little to do with me. I continue to make it my goal to keep forgiving as I feel it will benefit me deeply.

Sorry for the long post, just venting.