I feel that I am "getting on " with my life . I was hoping that all of these things would make me more attractive to him !!
And they might, but not much time has passed yet. It can take years before a WAS comes out of the fog.
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However , I get very mixed feedback from him - limited conversation when he picks the kids up , rarely asks how I'm doing , sometimes looks at me like he hates me , then other times there is the tiniest spark of the man I used to know !
That's all pretty typical WAS behavior. What you have to do is drop all expectations. If and when these sitches turn around it's when the LBS is least expecting it, and usually when the LBS is in the process of truly making a break and moving on.
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I always try to be pleasant - ask about his work etc , and make him feel welcome ( he's had dinner and lunch a couple of times . But I always sense a barrier from him.
Sounds like you're doing well, you should always show a confident, content you that is enjoying life whether he's in it or not. The "barrier" is usually called the wall around here. He's built a wall around himself to shield his emotions from harm. My question to you is this- what happened in the M that made him build that wall to begin with? Because THOSE things are what you need to do 180's on.
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I would love him to open up to me , to connect with me , but he classically blames me for his affair - I pushed him towards her !!!!
Well he chose to engage in an A, but rarely do affairs happen in strong, loving marriages. So you did contribute to whatever was missing from the M that he felt he had to seek elsewhere. Affairs are symptoms of marriage problems, not the cause. So again, what are those things that drove him away?
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I supported and loved him in whatever way I could ! His life was my life !!!
That is an extremely unhealthy thing to say. That's a codependent statement.
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Can our marriage be saved ???? Is it really possible to save a marriage on your own ??
There are a lot of success stories on these forums, some turnarounds happened when things seemed incredibly bleak! Get DR, read it, then read it again. Read Sandi2's 37 Rules and live those tips! Give your H time and space while you work on you. Good luck!
