My father is the same way Kelela. When my H cam to visit recently, my dad talked to him about his decision and told him to hurry and file so that I won't be "hanging on to hope". I know he meant well.... but that irritated me.
So glad you found beds for your boys and you have support from your BIL and SIL. Stay focused on the positives you have coming your way!
me: 30 H:30 tgthr:7 m:4 no kids 5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012 long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012 official BD: July 2013 nothing filed 1/1/14 I dropped the rope
Many of my family and friends also feel that my H is unworthy of me and that I should move on but, like you, I'm not there yet and until then we will continue to do want feels right to us.......and we need to be able to be true to ourselves at least
M 16 T 20 M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15 Bomb drop April 4; Moved out April 13 D started-full force ----------------------- Dancing through the fire Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
Whiterose I'm right with you I also have friends and family telling me the same exact thing as you. And I know they are so correct about what they tell me but I have been with H for 13 years yes it was not a perfect marriage but we did have a lot of good times and now we are going to really really bad time and I never know what the future will hold for me. I may or may not move on I just don't know but I do know that I have been offered a lot of different places I can move too if I decide to leave where I am at currently. Right now I can't just pack up and leave due to my boys I have to take it slow for them this is going to be really hard on them cause mom and dad are not together. I don't know how they will feel about OW being with their dad. I will have to see what will happen down The road. If we didn't have any kids heck ya I would have just gotten a D and move back to my home town. And trust me I would be so much happier being back in my home town then being here where im currently living. So right now this is my day one of being on my own and finding myself again.
M:42 H:37 M:14yrs S:13; S:9 Found out PA:8/2012 2nd PA & still w/OW:4/2013 H asked for D:6/2013 H moved out: 8/2013 H & OW moved in together: 8/2013
Hi K. glad to hear you've got supportive friends and family around you I've not told any of my family yet as I know they will say I'm better off without him, when I want to fight to save my marriage. You will find that your family and friends become even more supportive once H moves out. I've got a great bunch of supportive friends. At the beginning, they used to ring me up regularly to see if I was ok and I know that I can ring them up anytime. I've just had a friend to do my garden, it looks the best it's ever been I went to friend's houses twice this week for a meal. You've got all this waiting for you You won't be on your own through this, your family and friends will make sure you get through the rough patch
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
White rose I agree with you I'm so glad that my father has been there for me since day one. The only thing is I know my father means well and how wants me to just file and move on from H. Cause I deserve so much better then H. I understand what he is saying but im not there yet to give up on my marriage. Maybe now I'll be able to start living again and see where I will end up in a day, month or a year from now. Now I can work on myself one day at a time and i have my boys with me to help me out.
I'm in the same place with my father. I know he means well and wants what he thinks is best, but I'm also not there yet. I still get the questions about what is happening and is he paying and is the OW still there, etc, etc. Sometimes it's like I'm a teenager again and he's checking up on the boyfriend to make sure he's treating me right. You have to trust that your family will support you with whatever your decision is regardless of what they think of your sitch.
You're right - now you work on yourself and making a life for you and your boys. If your H one day decides he wants to come back into your life, you will be in a better place to make the decision for yourself as to whether you want or need him there.
Good luck and stay strong.
Both 50 S14 M 16 yrs (his 3rd; my 1st)
ILYBINILWY - 24 Dec 2012 H moved out - 27 Jun 2013 Legally separated - 6 Sep 2013 Closing the door and changing the locks
I know exactly what you are saying once again my father called me today and told me to go back to the lawyers office and file for legal separation and see if under that filing if I am able to move back to my home state. I do understand why my father wants me to do this so that I'm not stuck or out of things and plus I need to be with my family. And I really would love that I know I have been dealing with H first affair a year ago and now he is living with the current OW it only has been about couple of days since this new situation. At this time I just need to slow down and figure what is my next step my mind and health is all over the place I don't know how I'm going to be able to pay for everything on my small paycheck and with the amount H has agreed to give me each month. I just need at lease a month to figure things out. There is so much on my plate right now I'm about to turn my phone off so I don't anymore phone calls and texting. The only thing is I can't right now I'm still waiting for the delivery of my sons beds iI hope it will be here soon.
M:42 H:37 M:14yrs S:13; S:9 Found out PA:8/2012 2nd PA & still w/OW:4/2013 H asked for D:6/2013 H moved out: 8/2013 H & OW moved in together: 8/2013
I know exactly what you are saying once again my father called me today and told me to go back to the lawyers office and file for legal separation and see if under that filing if I am able to move back to my home state. I do understand why my father wants me to do this so that I'm not stuck or out of things and plus I need to be with my family. And I really would love that I know I have been dealing with H first affair a year ago and now he is living with the current OW it only has been about couple of days since this new situation. At this time I just need to slow down and figure what is my next step my mind and health is all over the place I don't know how I'm going to be able to pay for everything on my small paycheck and with the amount H has agreed to give me each month. I just need at lease a month to figure things out. There is so much on my plate right now I'm about to turn my phone off so I don't anymore phone calls and texting. The only thing is I can't right now I'm still waiting for the delivery of my sons beds iI hope it will be here soon.
It's the waiting for everything that's the worst. That and the worrying about money. I feel for you. In my M I was the main breadwinner, but there is absoultely no way I can afford rent, and groverie, car payments, insurance, etc, etc without the extra income that H's paycheque gave us.
My father isn't pushing for me to file, but he certainly questions anything I do when it comes to H. H ended up staying over last night and I felt like a teeanager with a curfew this morning trying to sneak H out of the house before my father got up. Didn't work as he got up early, and of course the questions started. At least my H isn't living with OW and I sometimes get the impression that she may be going the way of the dodo but it's hard to tell for sure.
I'm not overly close with my family, just living with my father for financial reasons, but to be honest I'd choose H over my family if that's what it takes to save my marriage. I just hate the waiting for some positive sign that H really does want to work on us. I guess if it was easy everyone would do it and the divorce rates worldwide would drop.
You need to look after yourself. If you're not well your sons will suffer as well. They need at least one parent in their live who can be strong for them. Be selective about the texts/calls you answer. If it doesn't relate to the beds then ignore them for now. Friends and family will understand that you just need some time to clear your mind and catch your breath.
Both 50 S14 M 16 yrs (his 3rd; my 1st)
ILYBINILWY - 24 Dec 2012 H moved out - 27 Jun 2013 Legally separated - 6 Sep 2013 Closing the door and changing the locks
Well said not quitting K, you do need to take care of yourself, listen to what not quitting has to say, she makes a lot of sense I know what you mean about the waiting, I'm not the most patient person and maybe this is a test to make me more patient If I want things, I want things to be done like yesterday, lol. I'm still waiting for my college certificate so I can get my insurance and start earning some money. I want it now! lol.
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Well said not quitting K, you do need to take care of yourself, listen to what not quitting has to say, she makes a lot of sense I know what you mean about the waiting, I'm not the most patient person and maybe this is a test to make me more patient If I want things, I want things to be done like yesterday, lol. I'm still waiting for my college certificate so I can get my insurance and start earning some money. I want it now! lol.
Thanks for the vote of confidence TTD180. Wish I could apply it to my own sitch. LOL. And patience is one of my 180s now - although H always had less than I did.
Both 50 S14 M 16 yrs (his 3rd; my 1st)
ILYBINILWY - 24 Dec 2012 H moved out - 27 Jun 2013 Legally separated - 6 Sep 2013 Closing the door and changing the locks
Well said not quitting K, you do need to take care of yourself, listen to what not quitting has to say, she makes a lot of sense I know what you mean about the waiting, I'm not the most patient person and maybe this is a test to make me more patient If I want things, I want things to be done like yesterday, lol. I'm still waiting for my college certificate so I can get my insurance and start earning some money. I want it now! lol.
Thanks for the vote of confidence TTD180. Wish I could apply it to my own sitch. LOL. And patience is one of my 180s now - although H always had less than I did.
I agree, lol. I should apply it to my 180s as well, starting this week where so far I've not spoken to H since Saturday It's killing me, but I know it has to be done, lol
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
I've not told any of my family yet as I know they will say I'm better off without him, when I want to fight to save my marriage. You will find that your family and friends become even more supportive once H moves out. I've got a great bunch of supportive friends. At the beginning, they used to ring me up regularly to see if I was ok and I know that I can ring them up anytime. I've just had a friend to do my garden, it looks the best it's ever been