Doing a 180 is a strange time in your life, I think that as well It will be a very confusing time for you as well. You seem to focus too much on what your W is doing, etc. Have you got any GALs lined up for this week? I tried to be quieter this week, but I'm still ending up doing something every day! I just can't believe it! Not all of it is fun though, I'm spending a week sorting out my finances, going to IC and getting some things sorted out for my son. I promised to take him to the cinema on Thursday, but I'll have to find another cinema as the film we want to see isn't on at our usual cinema. H was supposed to be coming round today, but he's not turned up. We didn't make any formal arrangements, but I'm not going to ring up to chase him up. He can do all the chasing this week!
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Strange indeed. And yes it is confusing. I dont mean to focus in on what my W is doing....Still working on GAl for this week....Hopefully your H will chase you this week.....
Well you're supposed to wait a day or 2 before replying
It depends. First, if you have kids then ALWAYS be responsive to your spouse on anything related to the kids. Going dark doesn't apply when you're talking about kids.
Second, the rule is not to wait a day or two on unimportant non-kid stuff, it's to vary things. Sometimes reply right away. Sometimes wait a day or two. Sometime don't reply at all. The idea is to make her wonder what you're up to in your new life. Act distracted, like you've got other things going on. If she calls then talk pleasantly, but always be the first to make an excuse to get off the phone. If you're dropping the kids off then always look your best, like you must have someplace to go afterwards. Get busy, get a life. Let you wife see peeks of your GAL efforts so she knows your world no longer revolves around her. Send her a message through your ACTIONS that you are going to live your life and live it well, whether with or without her.
Also another comment on going dark, for those that were emotionally detached in the M, going dark is going to be perceived by your spouse as "more of the same" behavior. It will NOT help your sitch. Michelle warns about this in DR. Only consider going dark if it is a true 180.
Thanks for the additional notes AS Well my H didn't come round today like he said he would and we're busy for the rest of the week. I'm giving myself a pat on the back today for not contacting him He's not seen his son for a week, so he's bound to be in touch soon.
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
HI AS, Thanks for the advice. You probably dont recall but my W is living 900miles away so the only avenue I have to show GAL and PMV is thru email so far. No contact via phone or in person. Nor do we have children together. I'm slowly getting used to this sitch but the bottem line is this [censored] as Im sure you will agree. 3 months this week so I also realize this could go on a long, long time. Unless of course she files for D come this October which is when she becomes eligible to do so.
HI AS, Thanks for the advice. You probably dont recall but my W is living 900miles away so the only avenue I have to show GAL and PMV is thru email so far. No contact via phone or in person. Nor do we have children together. I'm slowly getting used to this sitch but the bottem line is this [censored] as Im sure you will agree. 3 months this week so I also realize this could go on a long, long time. Unless of course she files for D come this October which is when she becomes eligible to do so.
I know it s**ks but look how far you have come It's been nearly 4 months for me and I'm still getting it wrong, lol. This week I'm determined that I will do the 180 properly
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
So today I began paying back some monies owed family. As Advina said got to "clean your own house". This goes back to my first thread and where my W emailed me about this debt that her and I owe. My intention has been to pay it back and said this long before W mentioned it. Will be interesting if this draws any kind of response. All remains quiet with no new contact and I remain strong enough to keep it that way from my end.
That's good I'm not contacting my H this week, I'm expecting to hear from him tomorrow as he sometimes takes my son out even though it's not his day to have him.
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
It will be a very confusing time for you as well. You seem to focus too much on what your W is doing, etc. Have you got any GALs lined up for this week? I tried to be quieter this week, but I'm still ending up doing something every day! I just can't believe it! Not all of it is fun though, I'm spending a week sorting out my finances, going to IC and getting some things sorted out for my son. I promised to take him to the cinema on Thursday, but I'll have to find another cinema as the film we want to see isn't on at our usual cinema. H was supposed to be coming round today, but he's not turned up. We didn't make any formal arrangements, but I'm not going to ring up to chase him up. He can do all the chasing this week!