For the most part - well handled. Just a couple of notes.
As much as it is important to be real and honest - in the stage you are in... it's important to know when to express it.
Right now - it's not about you or how you are feeling. If it was - your stbx would be making very different decisions.
You can validate her feelings without confirming them or expressing yours. But remember - this is business now. Not because you don't care - but because this is what SHE has chosen.
In time - you can re-look at your boundary, but not now. It's gonna be hard and you are going to feel like crap at times because she will bait you...just like she did in her email.
People may not be in control of their feelings, but they ARE In control of how they express them. You confirming them allows her to act in her fear and treat you any way she wants to.
A response from you could be:
"W. Thank you for the apology and for expressing yourself that you are scared.
I'll look at the credit card statements later this week
RT"
or you could have said nothing at all. Apologies aren't meant to be validated.. they are meant to show remorse for hurtful behavior.
Also - try to avoid using the words - always and never.
One - it adds a level of pressure and guilt to the WAS. You need to continue to give her the space to see that it was the "wrong" decision with NO HELP from you.
Two - You may not always feel like it was a wrong decision. I don't think it becomes a "right" decision, just different.
Next month I will be divorced for a year and I was talking to my best friend yesterday and was going on on how THANKFUL I was for it. That I finally feel like myself and that both my x and I have grown so much from it. 2.5 years ago.. I felt like my life is over.. today - I feel like my life is what I always wanted. Different - but very good.
Perspectives can change.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
