The sitch is the same. I asked my W if she will commit to M and that I'm ready to work with her, but we both have to commit. Same script don't know how, feeli gs gone...I said we need tools go to counseling or retroV.
Just curious why you've backed away from DB'ing and started applying pressure? Are you done? Because when you apply pressure like this, you're forcing her to make a decision before she's ready, and that decision will ALWAYS be anti-marriage when you push for it.
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She said D is the answer
You pressured her into saying that.
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I told her I don't agree but do what she has to do, if this is her decision I can't do anything about that.
This whole convo sounds very passive/ aggressive and controlling on your part. Before you jump in to talk about how it was said in a joking manner, just stop, don't respond. Just let your mind wander over that, and reflect back on what was said. Read Sandi's tips again, and let it all simmer. Think about why you said those things, what your overall goal is, and whether that moved you closer to or farther from your goal.
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What a trip, so she's on her way to filing but yet she continue to want to do stuff with her family and put on a face that were still a family.
So if you apply Sandi's tip, and you don't believe anything she says and only half of what she does, then what are her ACTIONS telling you?
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I asked her when are you gonna tell them you're filing for D?
Again with the pressure?
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But regarding us I think it's time for her to face the reality of her decision.
That's fine, but if that's your new boundary then you need to sit down with her, explain it to her and tell her why it's a boundary. Don't just start behaving differently like disappearing when she expects you to be there. If you feel like you're participating in a charade to her family and you don't want to anymore, then just tell her that. "I feel like you're using me in a dishonest way to make your family believe our M is OK, but clearly it's not, and while it's not my responsibility to explain this to them, I refuse to be a part of deliberately misleading them." Something like that. Just understand that what is like to happen as a result of this is your W will no longer want to involve you in family stuff. If you're OK with that then go for it.
