He came to me and told me he is just struggling with our lack of intimacy. He isn't happy with the amount of sex we have, and feels I am just not loving enough. His love language is definitely "touch and affection". And mine is not.
First let me ask if you've read the 5 Love Languages, because if you have then you should at least know the names of the PLL's. "Touch and affection" isn't one of them. I'm guessing you mean "Physical Touch". Make sure you know and understand what his PLL is. Are you guessing that it's PT or did you have him take the quiz? Do not guess, because you'll likely guess wrong. Most of us guess wrong even on our own PLL.
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I love him more than words can say but showing affection just doesn't come naturally to me.
That's OK, none of us is very good at demonstrating love in someone else's PLL. That's why so many of us need to read the book, and keep reading it.
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He told me to ask myself if this is a lifestyle change I would be willing to make and I said yes, of course. So that's what I have been doing. Making love and affection apart of my life. He seems to be taking it in, he thanks me for kisses and hugs me back when i come in for it but he is not initiating ANYTHING.
It's very likely he sees it all as "too little too late". WAS's spend months or even years letting their resentment build, so often by the time they say something they are already beyond done in the M. All the LBS can do is work on themselves, do 180's on their faults and be very patient. You said he just came to you with this BD last week, so your sitch is still VERY young. Don't expect any positive signs from him for months.
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Everything seemed to be going ok. It's only been a week and he still talks about the future and makes plans and stuff but this morning told me he is still so angry and is taking it out on the kids and hates that. He doesn't want to be angry anymore.
I don't understand why he's "angry", can you expand on that? Is he angry because he felt he deserved more sex in the marriage? I could understand "frustrated", but "angry" doesn't seem to fit unless there's more going on then what you described in the OP.
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I just don know what to do or say to help.
Go back and brush up on your DB'ing. It saved your M once, so you already know what works. Back off. Give him time and space. You CAN'T FIX him. Don't try to say or do anything to help him. Work on you and leave him to work on his demons.
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And I'm scared I'm losing him minute by minute and he is just gonna pack up and leave.
He very well might. He did it before, so he's that much more likely to do it again. It didn't end your M last time, so there's no need to be upset about it this time. If he leaves, don't try to stop him. Just tell him you support whatever decision he makes.
