Don't come around here no more

[wishing, hoping]

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2371528&page=1

Last thread linked above. Second verse, same as the first.

So now I know what H's ulterior motive is. To replace me with OW and live his life as nothing ever happened. They will marry ASAP. She thinks she will live in the lap of luxury. I know better.

So H is giving D a bath. She is filthy. I do not have any idea how she could have gotten that dirty. She stunk. Seriously stunk. I am horrified. I think he knows she needs a bath but I am wondering if he would have bothered if I was not home. He so bought D a 16 ounce Dr. Pepper. I don't know how you all are, but I am kind of picky about what my kids eat. I do not approve of my 6 year old daughter drinking soda. Especially caffeinated soda. Maybe sprite or seven up or root beer once in a while, but nothing else. His judgement is so out of whack. And then he wonders why she is hyper Aja doesn't listen.

I think it's gonna be a war with H. I don't ever expect him to give in to me. My fear is that we will be at this for years. H is stubborn and so am I. We are like he!! Together. I don't think he will ever stop.

I am so tired of this crap. Just tired of it. I want to move on with my life. But I won't give up. I keep renewing myself. I am just worried that I will run out of steam before he does.

I changed my thread topic to something TVS suggested previously. I think it fits well where I am in my sitch. "Whatever you're looking for...don't come around here no more."

Miss my friend's and mom, but it feels good to be with my kids again. They are my world.

WH

[Takevowsserious]

Like the new thread title WH

Let's be honest - your H is off his rocker and so is she. It is an absolute disaster waiting to happen. I'm sorry that you have to be sucked into it at all.

Here's what I'm thinking though... He can't get married until he gets divorced.

So how badly does he really want to get married? I would think he would give into you if that is what he wants.

And I'm sure cheese queen will be putting the pressure on him, if she hasn't already.

I think the term is ticking time- bomb...

You just keep being your cool, calm, collected, awesome self

[wishing, hoping]

Thanks TVS.

I think H is under the impression that the judge will do whatever H wants and will not give me anything I want. I don't know why, but he thinks the judge will force me out and give me half the debt and the minimum child support and no maintainance. But from what I have seen so far, they have been very willing to give me what I need and have told H to fly a kite.

I am hoping the trend continues. My mom told me I just need to let my lawyer handle it. But I am a worrier. And lawyers aren't cheap. H knows this and he's trying to play it into his favor.

D got out of the shower tonight and H went to do something and left her in the bathroom to comb her hair. I went in there to check on her (because my gut was acting up) and she was standing on the counter!!! Four feet off the ground standing on the vanity bare naked! OMG I almost had a heart attack!!! I told her to get down and never ever do that again!!! I swooped her down and held her tight!!! That's all she would need to do is slip and fall with her feet being wet on that countertop and crack her head on the tub or break her leg. H is absolutely brainless at times.

One more hour of insanity. Geez. I am so ready to get my kids back under my charge. I am fighting the urge to carve my name into his pretty little souped up four wheel drive to quote Carrie Underwood. Every time I walk by that car I just want to dig for my keys. But, I don't. And I won't. I just imagine I hear the squeal of metal on metal. : )

My mom said I should buy a dozen eggs and throw them at the sidewalk to get anger out! Lol! I think I will buy a 2 liter of diet coke and a pack of mentos. A good volcanic geyser should ease some tension, right?

WH

[golf mom]

I'm glad you had time away with your mom and friends. I'm really hoping things are relatively quiet for you this week.

Continue to stand your ground as advised by your attorney and go about your business. Your H is going to want to bait you. Don't fall for it. You know what you're entitled to. Let your attorney do the talking.

Having gone through over a year of legal posturing I can tell you that it's a miserable ride and you're likely to take an emotional battering. To the extent you can end it quickly, do. You'll move on much quicker which will be healthier for you and the kids. Last summer I envisioned what this summer was going to be like - all sunshine and lollipops. It was just more of the same. I never dreamed I'd still be dealing with this. I spent all this time in emotional turmoil - time I won't ever get back. You may not have a choice, but to stay in it for the long haul. Just be clear with yourself about what you really want and need to rebuild your life. Let go of what you believe is fair. It's not going to be fair. My sitch turned in my favor when I let go of the life I had here and announced I wanted to move. That shook xh into action and finding ways to keep me here. He no longer has any control. I can't say that things will all go my way, but it's definitely going to end better than a month ago.

It can be incredibly hard to leave behind the life you've known and were fighting for. It takes time to grieve and let go. You'll have your own timeline. To heal well you'll need to feel all of the stages. It's uncomfortable, but necessary. I thought I would never quit cycling, but I have. I still have moments of sadness, but they don't last. I've come through better than ok and you will too.

[wishing, hoping]

Thanks GM. I am so glad to be on this board with people who get it.

H is angry, angry, angry. I was talking with S while he was combing his hair. H came in and said what are you doing? H said combing my ears and talking to mom. Oh...that's right. I'm not allowed to talk to the kids on "his time" unless he gives me permission. Hmmmm...interesting. But he isn't being over nice now so I guess he's out of plans for the moment. What they say is true: if an MLCer is being nice, he's (she's) up to something or wants something.

Thanks for listening everyone. I really can use the support.

WH

[wishing, hoping]

Oh yeah. H is mad. I come out of my room about 5 minutes ago to show S a video of puppies that my friend posted to FB. H comes in and says "leave him be". I said why? Why aren't I allowed to talk to my son? H says because I want him to go to sleep. Oh really, I ask? Then why is his tv still on and he's still texting on his iPod if he's supposed to be asleep? H just harrumps and walks away. Wasn't happy with my response I guess.

I bought S a new calculator for back to school because S said he lost his other one. I got it on sale for $9.99 and it's a pretty nice one. It should last him a few years. S shows it to H and H is mad. Why did you buy him that calculator when we have a perfectly good TI-85 downstairs? Number 1, the one I bought is suitable for S's grade level, not college level. And #2, I don't know where that calculator is and I do not want to look for it. I told him S needed a calculator and it was only $9.99 and I bought it. I think H is mad that I beat him to the punch with buying school supplies. I'm almost done. Curses...foiled again! Lol

WH

[complicated]

Crazy, crazy and more crazy.

WH let your lawyer handle it. When I was going through the d that never finished my L said " is he having an a because if he is then she will be pushing for it to be over so they are more likely to end up settling for less.

Well he was having an a but it killed him to think I was getting too much. But, in your case the cat is out of the bag about the marriage so she will be pushing Hard. Stay calm.

I would maybe say something to the GAL or what ever you call that person for the kids about h not letting you talk to the kids on his time when they are in the same house with you. That can't be good for the kids, especially if he is saying that in front of them. He obviously is more worried about you then the kids. That's sad.

You're going to be fine WH. Just keep being you and you'll be ok.

[wishing, hoping]

Thanks complicated. I have mentioned this to my attorney and he just shakes his head and says H just doesn't get it. No kidding. The GAL in my case has other things on his mind. He's not really focused on our case. He just keeps asking my attorney why it isn't over yet. Ridiculous.

I was just watching "Frasier" and heard a great quote that applies to my sitch. Niles is getting divorced from Maris and has to set up house in a low-income apartment complex until he gets back on his feet. He is extremely depressed and Frasier says "perhaps this apartment is the price you need to pay for your freedom."

That resonated with me. Perhaps this is the price I need to pay for my freedom? After all, nobody rides for free!

WH

[wishing, hoping]

So good morning. Or is it?

I wake up this morning to the sound of H on a rampage. Shutting doors firmly, stomping around. I just roll my eyes and try to go back to sleep. Next thing I know, I hear H in a loud voice talking to someone. I thought he had woken up the kids and so I peeked out of my room. I heard him on the phone downstairs with someone. It was a work-related call and I am guessing H was talking to his boss. H didn't sound happy again. I heard a reference to his boss's boss and H said something about "well, you know this stuff just gets old after a while". I don't know who else besides H talks to their boss that way, but whatever. It seemed like the hammer had been laid down for H to do something he didn't want to because I heard him say "well if the VP says it needs to happen then I guess I'll do it. No, no...I'll take care of it. No problem." Sounds a bit disgruntled.

So I get the kids ready for camp this morning and H is home. Urg. I don't know why, but I try to ignore him. D is tired and grumpy but I work with her and she is fine. We go downstairs and H is in "his chair" on his computer. D goes to give him a hug and she tells H she doesn't want to tie-dye a shirt for herself (today's summer camp project), so could she have one of his. They go upstairs and I see H is typing up a letter about me. I don't know if it was an email or a memo, but he starts out saying he had such a wonderful weekend with the kids and then I started interfering and ruined it. The letter states how I interfered with D taking a shower and how I kept S from going to bed and I am sure he said I was snooping in his room when I was looking for D's laundry. He was upstairs for a while with her and so I went to get her so she could eat breakfast and he was folding up a t-shirt for her. I told him I already got her a shirt and then she told me she didn't want to make one for her, she wanted to make one for daddy. I said okay, let's eat breakfast now.

Downstairs, I see her water bottle is covered in mold inside. She put lemonade in it and never washed it out. I used some vinegar to get it clean and mentioned to D that is why I didn't want her to put lemonade in her water bottle. H says "oh, I was going to clean it out." I told him I had put some vinegar in it. He says no, you need to use bleach. I told him I didn't think it was a good idea to clean a child's water bottle with bleach, but he told me it would be fine. Still skeptical, I said I don't know...well, he did it anyway. It smelled like a pool in the kitchen. He said, you think you are always right about everything, WH. I just kept quiet and packed up the kids' stuff. He said (like a father to a daughter) see how the bleach gets all that stuff off the inside of the water bottle? I said, yes, H, I know how bleach cleans. I use it on the shower and toilets, but not kids' water bottles. I am still kind of shaky about it. I told the kids do not use those water bottles until further notice.

I dropped off the kids at camp and saw H walking down the sidewalk. I was like WTH??? I said to the kids "dad must be getting his car fixed". And S said oh yes, his power steering is out. Hmmm....that must cost a pretty penny to repair. And then D chimes in and says daddy's shoulder is broken inside so he has to go to the doctor to get it fixed. S confirmed that dad needs surgery on his shoulder. So is this another scheme to get paid time off work? Like the OW's disability? One can only wonder.

So I am reeling this morning trying to get my bearings. I am seeing no light at the end of this tunnel. I am starting to think it's an abyss.

WH

[complicated]

Actually WH I was thinking maybe that should be the price h pays for his freedom. haha Why should you have to pay the price? You didn't go crazy. But I know, you caused his craziness right?