I'm a head in the sand idiot.....my wife said one of the reasons she left was because I was horrible with $$$$- I could never save....and I make a good salary
I just looked at the finances and it appears that the $$$ I gave my wife each month covers mortgage ,ins, and all utes 100%
Here's the best part......ready for it? .....she makes 50% more then I do
I'm a tool
Looks like I'll be pulling up my big boy pants and having a finance convo with her.
D3and I having an awesome day- my little girl just rode her flipping tricycle a half a mile...she is awesome
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
First of all, just cuz she said it, doesnt make it so. Do you think you are horrible with money? If so and it bothers you, fix that.
Sorry, I dont remember. Who determined what you give your wife?
There's a lot to be said for pullin up big boy pants. Just sayin.
As far as your d. If you are ok, she will be, too. You are her touchstone right now. Though she is young, she will feed off of what she feels from you.
If you let her feel safe and loved and tell her what her sweet 3 year old brain is capable of understanding, she will be ok.
What she needs to hear and is capable of getting is that she is loved, safe and will always have a place to live. She doesnt ever have to worry about that. Anything more than that is beyond her.
You set the tone, PS. Let her see what strong, stable, loving looks like. The rest will take care of itself.
You are doing wonderfully. Make memories, P. That's what life is about.
Yup...time to have that convo and its gonna be an ouchy one ;P
You may want to outline everything in a spreadsheet ahead of time. Remain calm and cool, money is always a button pusher
H finances us completely, to his own detriment, because it puts him short, and xgf really didn't have full time job, so I think outings were on his hook. I try to come up with as much as I can to offset his payments, so he can have some cash (this is a 180 for me, i.e. grateful instead of taking for granted and giving him money when I have had a good week).
While I didn't mind him being the bread winner when we were together, it rubs me the wrong way now we are separated....
Catching up. I was out and about all weekend. GAL-icious! So now I have to have chinese food for dinner. Thanks for that. So it's Boston weekend for some of you?! (I think that's where you all are going) I hope everyone has a great time!
Sailing. Me too. I watch the classes in the harbor here sometimes and think it looks amazing.
Good luck on the finances talk... Mine haven't been as bad as I thought so maybe yours will surprise you too!
Me(F):40 WAW:44 T:13yrs M:9yrs BD:2/12 (I saw a text) ILYBINILWY: 5/12 PA admission: 12/12 (began 3/11) S:2/13 Moves in w/AP D begins: 7/13 W moves home to R: 10/13
The thought that im actually EXCITED to have this finance conversation with W proves to me that I have taken a huge growth step. Before I never cared about how much I gave her because she would squirrel it all away and we would go on long exotic vacations as a family or pay off expensive car repairs- I will assume that is no longer going to happen.
Boston feels awesome- 80 and sunny.....ill be there early and I dont have a return ticket so only the good lord knows where I end up - confidence build
BTW - D3 and I were 8 inches away from the OM on Sunday. He had zero clue......I wonder if the W saw us.
I saw him- realized all the bad that would happen if I stopped - so I took out my frustration on a unsuspecting hill.
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
**********This is sooooooo not DB *******************
FATE
It's 4:55 and I run out to my car and get ready to blast off to pick up d3 at daycare.
Car doesn't start
I ask a ee for a jump- cant do because the battery corrosion ate thru the terminal.
So I call AAA to tow me.
I have 0 idea about cars and naturally assume that it will be another $500 bill and have a quality hour by myself to stew about it.
(I arranged for nana and grandpa to pick up d3)
About 40 mins into my quality stew time my w calls..........
As you may know I'm already pumped to talk finances and 40 minutes of catastrophising just had me at a unique place.
" hello, I'm calling to say goodnight to d3"
I'm sorry d3 is not with me right now, she is with my parents...
" why is she not with you"?
Because I'm still at the office waiting for AAA because my car broke down and it needs to be towed and we need to have a discussion about finances because I'm paying you too much $$$!
Oh, we'll yes you do pay me a lot.
( really??? I've been screwing myself all this time because I didn't want to inconvienance my unfaithfully wife- and this is all you got )
Maybe you can pay me $500 less a month.......
( you don't even have the numbers in front of you and you KNOW you can roll off 5hundred.......WTF)
Sorry, I say, the tow truck is here......gotta go
Tow guy gets out and says all it needs is a $7 part.
All that freaking out got me at least $500 a month - prob more.
I'm getting the sense that my finances are about to make a nice rebound
We shall see where this ends up.
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
