One giant leap forward! - Part 3

[labug]

T, I'm not trying to tell you what to do. I would like to see you have a loving, adult R with your W. I don't know if that's what you want. Your goals are your goals.

This is difficult stuff but we each have to figure out who we want to be and how we want to conduct our lives. Having boundaries helps us do that but setting those is difficult in the beginning. Once you see the power in it, it becomes easier because your life becomes easier.

You have shifting boundaries. You say things and I think you want to mean them but when it gets tough, you move that line just a bit, just far enough that it's no longer painful.

I told her that we wouldn't be having sex until we started to work on the R.
To me that is when she has paid for half of and gone to an MC session.

Did you tell her all of that including the part about paying?
Is it a carrot on a string or is it a boundary because you know it's healthier for you, your R and therefore your children if you and W get things moving in the right direction before you have sex? Is going to one visit with MC enough to indicate that things are moving in the right direction? I don't know the answer to that for you.

I have no opinion on whether you should have sex with your W or not. But if you do, realize that you went into it with your eyes wide open. She didn't cast a spell and make you do it. I get that you would love to have sex with her but it's better to be honest about it than to set a boundary that's not really a boundary.

The "sexual banter" blurs that line don't you think?

I suppose in a way it's my way of controlling how she tries to control me.

It's my experience that mind-reading and assigning roles to others is a fruitless endeavor. What other people do shouldn't change your path if you're being the man you want to be.

Is it difficult to stay on that path? Yes. But do you want to be constantly giving your power away to other people and then blaming them for how your life is?

I know this is hard, I've had to walk the path of leaving all the fear that leads to being in victim/persecutor/rescuer triangle behind to become a very different person.

It's been difficult, still is at times but so worth the work.