If you don't want to have sex, why the sexual banter?
I started to comment about the bantering, too. Unless there have been other times that you have not revealed, then the way it appears to me is that all she had to say we're two little words. "I'm horny". After all the warning.....you coulldn't hear bells going off? Gosh T, that seemed pretty easy for her to get you to play along. Isn't that like verbal foreplay for you? Honestly, I was surprised to read you could turn her down when you went back to her place. Then as soon as you left, the bantering started again. And now you ask where do you go from here?
Well, I can tell you what's next from her. She's going to turn the heat up b/c you didn't have sex with her (physically at least). It's your business, and I don't want to sound like your mother, but didn't we discuss how easy it would be to have sex, thinking you were working on the R, but then it goes nowhere.
You did tell her no sex till the R was better. Does she understand you were referring to the stipullations you gave her?
I think the main focus was for you to be in control and not let her use sex to pull you back into those old pattern and repeat the same old mistakes. How will she know you are serious if you play & tease her about it over the phone? When she opened the door by saying "I'm horny", I feel you should have ignored it or reinforced what you've told her about no sex before some therapy, etc. But it sounds as if it has been turned into a game. I believe you may have made that area a little more difficult for yourself.
You handled yourself very well while at her house. But how long wil you be able to hold out? After all the discussion on it, you are now asking when you can start showing affection.
You have to stay focused on the line you drew in the sand. You have to keep a clear head and stay balanced. The first mention of sex from her and it seem to throw you off. The issue is not so much about having sex.........but where it puts you in the R with her. You were wanting to show her you are changing, you are stronger, and she can't control you like she use to do by using sex.
She flip-flops every other day. One day she threatens D and the next day she wants sex. I don't know how you live with someone like that......unless you take the reigns that will take both of you in the right direction. She needs a man who is stable and can lead the family.
By some things she said was her "fears".......seem kind of shallow to me and I suspected she was playing on your sympathy to draw you back (b/c she had just switched from threatening getting a lawyer), so yes, I was suspicious, too.
So, it goes back to your boundaries and knowing what they are.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
