A few weeks ago H cc'd me on an email to a coworker who has a beach house for rent. He said we were interested in renting it and would talk to me and get back to him. I ignored the emails a few of them. Now the friend has emailed both of us again asking if we are interested. This may be a good time for us to spend time together. But also if he's included in family vacations then what is he really missing. Any suggestions?
M12 Kids 2 ILYBINILWY 08/05 Reconciled 05/06 S07/12 Moved back 03/13 Separated Again 06/24/13 Back Again (his choice) 02/14 Leaving again 03/23/14 DIVORCED 02/15
Could you sit down with him and tell him how you feel, that you are confused by all of this, and that if there is hope for re-conciliation in the future you will go as a family, otherwise, you feel that you should only be seeing each other in respect with handling the drop offs of the children? BTW.. is that how you feel? If he is set on separating, then I would say to give him space for now. That is my opinion. What do you think? What are your boundaries? If he is still telling you that you're done, etc, are you still going to go on the trip?
I know, it is all so confusing sometimes. I am dealing with the exact same thing right now. My H left for a camping trip this weekend with his extended family and the kids, and I didn't join him. I had the feeling he didn't want me there. It disappointed me so much to not be able to go to this family function. It is all so confusing to me right now, whether I should be having 'family time' or not! So I understand where you are coming from! Ultimately it comes down to you. If you can go on the trip, with no expectations, maybe it is good. And you can DB, with a PMA, and he may take notice. And if you can spend quality family time that is great for the kids!
I think he can also see what he is 'missing' when you are there, not only if you are gone, and he sees how happy you are, and how good of a mother you are.
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
I've told him before that without distance this is all confusing to me but he wants to remain friends for the kids. He thinks if we have a good relationship it's best for the kids. Which it is but makes things super hard on me. We went to dinner with friends tonight. We had a good time and there wasn't any tension. He has made it clear that this time it's permanent. He did say the day that he was leaving "who knows what happens in a year" but I think he was trying to make me feel better.
I just know last time he gave me some opportunities to get close to him but my pride made me keep my distance. This is my last chance and I don't want to make the same mistakes. I need to get him back and for some reason (maybe I am delusional) I think I can if I just check my pride in at the door.
I would have no expectations of anything happening on the trip. We would be going with friends and it will just be a fun trip not just for me but for the kids as well. I just don't know if that's a no no as far as DB. I know there are no set rules but what bothers me is that he doesn't see what he is missing if we take a family trip together.
Strange thing is I miss him like crazy when he's not around but when he came by the house today I was a little annoyed. I was angry and a little emotional.
M12 Kids 2 ILYBINILWY 08/05 Reconciled 05/06 S07/12 Moved back 03/13 Separated Again 06/24/13 Back Again (his choice) 02/14 Leaving again 03/23/14 DIVORCED 02/15
You "need" to get him back? This is your "last chance"? You've been a member a while. What would you advise someone who described his or her situation like that?
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
You are right patient man. Wrong choice of words. I need to work on me and detach. Thanks for the reality check. I know I will be fine either way so I don't "need" him back but rather want him back. My time is running out is all I meant. This is the 3rd time around for me. I don't know how much more fight I have in me to fight for both of us. I am stronger this time around. More so then any other time.
M12 Kids 2 ILYBINILWY 08/05 Reconciled 05/06 S07/12 Moved back 03/13 Separated Again 06/24/13 Back Again (his choice) 02/14 Leaving again 03/23/14 DIVORCED 02/15
H called again tonight and wanted to meet the kids and I for dinner. My friend and her family were with us so they joined us. My I shouldn't read too much into that but it did make me a little happy.
I am in a different place this time around. The first two times we separated I was extremely angry. This time I have finally forgiven him. In a way I understand why he has done this and I look forward to a new start. Hopefully with him and not without him.
I want to have one last talk with him before we sign our separation agreement but I am hesitant. I don't want him to throw away our marriage, family, and business. It hurts me that he will have to leave the business once we D. He will have to start from scratch and the business will also be affected.
My S4 broke down this morning because he wants to wake up with his daddy at home. It broke my heart. Isn't that worth trying to save this family?
I am not ready to have H come back even if he wanted to. That's not what I want to ask him. I just want him to give us a chance. A chance to date and reconnect with each other. I am not in a hurry for him to come back. I don't even want the same marriage. I want a new one. I have to admit that I don't think I am in love with him anymore either but I certainly do love him. Unconditionally love him. No matter what we have been through I forgive him and I need him to forgive me. He is angry with me for some reason. He needs to forgive me before we can move forward.
I just don't want to approach him and be rejected again so for the time being I just stay silent. I just don't think he is 100 percent done. I think he is done with our M the way it was and wants happiness. I do too.
M12 Kids 2 ILYBINILWY 08/05 Reconciled 05/06 S07/12 Moved back 03/13 Separated Again 06/24/13 Back Again (his choice) 02/14 Leaving again 03/23/14 DIVORCED 02/15
H called this morning and asked if the kids and I wanted to go shopping. We did and had a really nice time. He took us to lunch afterwards then went home. It's like he can handle the family life for a few hours a day. Is that our reality?
I have been reading lots of books and learning so much. I practiced some of what I learned today. Such as eye contact and using my H's love language which is words of affirmation. He keeps talking about the future of our business even though I've said I can't work with him if we D. I am GAL and going out tonight and know I will have a great time. I am trying to have no expectations but its in the back of my mind. I don't think i could spend the day with him like this if I didn't have some expectations or wish that we would reconcile.
He is sending me mixed signals which I know is not healthy for me. I am detached and honestly I live him too but I don't know if I am in love with him either. I just recognize that we have work to do and feel we can reconnect again. He doesn't.
M12 Kids 2 ILYBINILWY 08/05 Reconciled 05/06 S07/12 Moved back 03/13 Separated Again 06/24/13 Back Again (his choice) 02/14 Leaving again 03/23/14 DIVORCED 02/15
Hi DFE. Its me, formerly known as Hwy61. Lol. I changed my username. I have read your threads and to me it feels like you still have feelings for him and that he still cares for you. I do think that you should have one last talk with him before the separation agreement. I think you will regret it later on if you dont. You do not want to leave any stones unturned. I know you are afraid of getting hurt again but i feel that you will always look back and wonder if you dont. Like you said.. this might be your last chance.
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
So I went out last night. Salsa Dancing. The kids told H yesterday that they were spending the night and my parents house. H asked me if I was going out and I said yes. So this morning he sent me a text saying "Good Morning. Hope you had a good time last night."
Chasingpavements I am glad you told me it's you. I have been looking for you. Hope all is going well with you. I will follow your sitch now that I know it's you. My friend keeps telling me to talk to him one last time but the rejection is so hard to face. I know as soon as I say something he will tell me what he always does. He has asked my mom to go out with him for lunch. I am waiting until they go out to feel him out. See where he is coming from then maybe talk to him.
We have to write up our separation agreement and I thought that was a good time to talk to him. I am doing lots of work on me. I am reading everything I can get my hands on. 5 love languages was eye opening. His love language is words of affirmation which I never ever used. I am now using it on him and I can tell he liked it. I'm not in a hurry for him to move back I just want to hear from him that he wants to date or try while we are separated. I need some motivation.
M12 Kids 2 ILYBINILWY 08/05 Reconciled 05/06 S07/12 Moved back 03/13 Separated Again 06/24/13 Back Again (his choice) 02/14 Leaving again 03/23/14 DIVORCED 02/15
