I’m still processing this, but I found evidence that my wife had a 1-night stand with her surf instructor while I was on vacation with our 3 girls. My W left her phone lying around this afternoon, and I snooped. Easy enough to guess the password since she is constantly using the phone, even in front of me. Snooping on her phone, I found a 3 sentence message she sent via FB to a gay friend of hers that included “tuve una aventura” which I translate as “I had an affair.” And she said this was when she had a few days alone. She did surfing on the Thursday while we were gone, and we returned that weekend, so she only had a 48-hour window to have her affair.
If you have followed my sitch, I had put a boundary on my W texting other men just last week. It seems I was onto something, but missed the mark. Also, if you read my sitch, I have noticed that things have gone backwards or just in limbo. Well now this might explain why before the vacation she would hold my hand and then afterwards she would not. A PA, even a 1-night stand would change things.
I feel very disappointed.
I am applying the 48-hour rule and have said/done nothing yet. But I have already formulated a plan. I intend to tell her, “I know you had an affair with your surf instructor while I was away.” I am not going to ask since she’ll just deny it, this is why I will tell her as a fact that I know. I am also not going to tell her how I know. I am then going to tell her that she has to leave and move out.
I just cannot live with the lies and betrayals.
With all this said, I also intend to “keep the path home clear.” I will tell her that I will not tell anyone why I asked her to leave. This removes the public embarrassment as a possible obstacle in the future. I was thinking of telling her she could come back under certain conditions. I’m still not sure what all of those conditions will be. Clearly, not texting, seeing, or pursuing other men. Also a real apology in person. What else, I’m not sure. Any suggestions?
I realize that if she shows true regret and also if she wants the marriage to work and be a good one, then I am willing to forgive her.
I’ve thought a little bit about the difficulty of raising my girls mostly alone, especially until my W finds a suitable place so that she can share custody. I have also thought about the loneliness of being alone.
Like I said, I’m applying the 48-hour rule. This is how I feel now, not sure if it will change. Also, I am going to snoop again in these 48-hours to see if I can find more evidence such as a reply from this friend and maybe she’ll divulge some details.
I appreciate this forum since it is the only place where I’ve revealed the bad news I just discovered.
