I'm still waiting for all of the tweaking to be done. My attorney hasn't called but she has my thoughts via email and I trust her to be a good advocate for me and get this done. Xh has texted again wanting to know if I signed and, if not, what my sticking points are. His attorney will need to advise him. He's no longer going to fly off the handle at me. I've learned many times over that I can't trust him. While part of him may want to work through any remaining issues cordially, the narsacistic addict will always win out. He's not healthy enough to be trusted. I kept believing in him the way people often do when their addicted loved one asks for something. I need to sever the bond and will need help doing it.
I'm so close to total freedom from this chaos that I can taste it. I'm becoming really impatient. I'm trying to focus on the life I want and act and think as if it is reality.
Something hit me today as I was sitting and thinking I really need to get up and start some laundry or clean a part of the house. I've been a neat freak my whole life. Everything always had to be spotless and orderly. The lack of urgency had me thinking that I was so depressed I no longer cared. Today I realized, while I sat contently, I no longer feel the need to control. Yes, things need to get done and my house is tidy, but I am no longer in perpetual motion, cleaning, organizing, planning and trying to keep order in my life while I keep anxiety at bay. I no longer live with an addict and have a lot more control over my life then I've acknowledged. I'm still me, organized and detailed oriented, but not frantically multi-tasking trying to be the perfect housewife and mother. That in itself is freedom.
