Thanks uRworthy, some good stuff to reflect upon.... I absolutely know that H is avoiding looking in, although he has started.
As for standing, H has expressed the need for me to find out what is out there, because in his head, how can I be sure I want him? Also, I am sure it gives him a little freedom from the guilt he has about dating. For me, I think, I have to have that connection first, not just the curiosity.
I have come to realize that while I want H and love H, I don't need H. He has expressed that in our marriage, there were only a handful of times he felt I needed him. That is true. I don't know how to let H feel he is needed, because I am not sure what it looks like.
As for dating....I don't think I want that right now. However, I won't put off GET AWAY vibes...;p
As for standing, H has expressed the need for me to find out what is out there, because in his head, how can I be sure I want him? Also, I am sure it gives him a little freedom from the guilt he has about dating.
I think that ^^^^ is so true.
For me, I think, I have to have that connection first, not just the curiosity.
I hear you on that. I feel the same.
I have come to realize that while I want H and love H, I don't need H. He has expressed that in our marriage, there were only a handful of times he felt I needed him. That is true. I don't know how to let H feel he is needed, because I am not sure what it looks like.
I think it is part of a healthy relationship, to want and not need. I dont think it is something lacking in you. I do think it might be something lacking in him, this need to feel needed. We, all of us, as adults, should want to be independent and see someone else as adding to our lives, not fulfilling it. Happiness should come from within and if we find someone to share our lives, then they can only enhance it.
As for dating....I don't think I want that right now. However, I won't put off GET AWAY vibes...;p
Sounds like a healthy attitude to me. I think when you are ready, you will have no doubts.
URworthy gave you great advice. Completely agree. I think when he says he wants to feel needed is that he wants to feel like he's making a contribution. So if you asked for help or his opinion, that would count. I always avoided asking Joe for help bc I didn't want to bother him, and he also said that he never felt needed and he wanted to feel needed. He said that was one of the reasons he had an A. Since your H and Joe seem to be related, this might help a bit!
Tori, this is so what I think as well. I make sure these days to ask his opinion on things. Maybe that is what he means, just to know he counts and his opinion matters. If I think of it like that it makes sense.
Okay am going to vent here because I can!! So, H's new relationship, because I know he is incapable yet of a) having one with me b) forming a casual relationship for sex c) being alone.
She seems nice....she has two small kids, I think. Has told H she doesn't want them introduced ( obviously, as any sane mother). They are small, I don't know but definitely under eight by the pics, maybe even much younger, hard to tell. H always said he didn't like young kids, couldn't find the time to go to all our kids things and complained every single time. Now he is thinking of an R with a mother of two kids?? WTF?? I am angry well, no, effin pissed is more like it. I know H and I do know that he will not go in this direction, but it doesn't stop me from playing out little scenarios in my head :p
I am rationale but not today. Thanks for the vent folks. H has said that they are at different stages in their lives, so he didn't see it working, but I guess I don't have to understand the whys just accept that he does what he does and he is not me.
I am perfectly aware that if I sit with this a bit longer I will work all the emotions out, but sometimes if I write it down, it goes a lot faster and you guys are great to help the process!!!
First time to post on your thread but I've seen you on hotwheel's thread and other threads I follow. Thank you for stopping by on my thread the other day.
So I wanted to catch up on your sitch but you already have quite a few threads I don't know where to start lol. I just read your very first post and felt similarities. My H bottled up all the emotions while I was taking the lead in the m.
Would you be able to give me a brief breakdown/time frame of your sitch if you don't mind?
P.S. My coach is Chuck and I really like him. I didn't choose him I was assigned but glad I did. I needed a man's perspective.
M37 H36 M8 T12 inc 3yr L-dist 7/12:H broke down 10/12:H dad D frm W4. BD soon after 1/13:H wants to leave 2/13:H gpa passed. Feels closer but H still leaving 3/13: S begins
