My path is scaring me, there is this small dawn in me who is saying, just leave him alone and let him stay while having his EA fun, it's less harmful and permanent.
Big girl Dawn says, no, it's time to pull the trigger and move ahead with yourself, find a new path in life filled w the kids, friends and one day you will have a person.
if this is what your insides are tellin ya - i think you've made your decision here nd it's the rite one for you now. remember tho- anhything can change any time - september is still a long way off. so don't be too bummed or scared by 'FINALITY" - it may or may not be. i'm too hung up on the lable i put on things too...(alot of the time) i immobilize myself with it i'd say
your h - some of his conversations amaze me. maybe he is seeing how far he can push you- YOU ARE READY (more than ready i think - from "hearing your voice" in this forum - to take your chance and let the chips fall where they may.
brave little you- it is hard- it is scary- but i bet it's kind of exhilerating too- to feel that you are "on yoru way" after alllll this piddling around... (from the queen of piddling here)
i have to say about my neighbor up north again- her h and she separted - she moved to an apartment! and he kept seeing his icky - redneck - boozer - icky ow for three years!! three years - of separation-
finally at the end of that time she said she was done struggline with the apartment and he shuld go move out and she should resume living in house- he and his ow were fighting and drinking all in public at local pub- etc. a big mess- but bottom line is somehow - someway they patched it up and have been together and okay for a bunch of years now.
it's weird- it happens- i don't think any one of us knows the convolutions it'll go thru- what your h will end up doing (REALLY) OR YOU or her or anything.
you've made your decision and you sound pretty strong in it- so yay for you. now we'll all see how it ghoes and plays out-hyou too.
nothing is final but death my dear - i tell myself this- i'm big chicken- but can sense inside how good it must feel for you to be able to feel "done" and say it rite out loud to him.
we're all out here-i 'm with ya man-
hope your day is okay- i totally GET IT- THE WHOle being afraid of what is different and final- our m BEING OVER for real- etc. idk- you have said many many times this is not some way you can live forever- not with this man- not with this sitch- so today i'm sayin yay dawn. if you change your mind tomorrow- i'll say yay dawn & so be it. what the heck does it matter anyway out there to anyone in the universe but you!!!
you do exactly what you feel you should/must/want to- and if you want to change tomorrow - then do it- and if you don 't then don't. this is your game - you can run it. AND - then there is the added benefit that who knows, you may love it- the freedom from strife - it really may change something in him- it may not- BUT IT MAY- it's a crap shoot- i admire your willingness to take this new stand.
ta da- xxoo best of luck with this new episode- it will be okay- one way or the other way- it's forward isn't it?
i'll go out on a limb here - notknowing your h at all- and say i don't think it will end up as final as it seems to you now- unless YOU want it to be. imho
