K, on the top of this page, there's a title which tells you where you are now and one called forum list. Click on that one and it'll take you to the main forum. Have you told us yet about the new thing you found out about H? I've gone back through the posts and I can't find it. Good for you thinking positive It'll be a lot easier to do a 180 when he leaves
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
No I haven't written what new info I found out. That knows me and H told me that he has been seeing my formal trainer from the gym I don't know if he is or was seeing her besides OW I didn't want to hear anymore about it cause I started to get more upset so I just said oh OK. Now if its true then oh well its not the first time or second time. He will get his in 10 folds sooner or later. And I may or may not be there when he does. Oh by the way he will start moving some of his things out tomorrow. Right now I'm starting to yoyoing one min I can't wait til he moves out then the next min I don't what this day to come. To me it feels like this is the end and he won't come back to my family. Yes I know I don't know what the future will be and I have to take it day by day and I know its not going to happen over night or next month or even a year from now. I can't give up hope that this is over yet. �
M:42 H:37 M:14yrs S:13; S:9 Found out PA:8/2012 2nd PA & still w/OW:4/2013 H asked for D:6/2013 H moved out: 8/2013 H & OW moved in together: 8/2013
I received your text after my fastfoodland work shift. Sorry you were having a down time. Hang on, you know its a roller coaster, better (and not so better) days will come.
You can do it.
HOW TO FIND OTHER'S THREADS
Do you see to the left of this post where it says in red mizjjd ? >CLICK< a little gray box pops up with
View profile Send a PM Add to your watched users View posts
>CLICK< View posts
The next page shows you ALL my posts; posts on my own threads, yours, others. In the right corner of that box it says Topics Created / All Posts. (You are on "All Posts")
>CLICK< Topics Created
This page shows ALL my topics, most recent on top. If you want to comment on my most recent thread, >CLICK< Run and hide your crazy
That takes you to the first page of that thread, just select the last page from the page marker in either the upper or lower right hand corner to move to the most recent post.
Once you have started regularly commenting on other's threads, you can do what I do which is to just >CLICK< My Stuff at the top of any page. A box pops up that says a whole bunch of options. I click on Posts which brings up all my own posts, most recent on top. And then I >CLICK< on the title of whatever thread I want to go to (such as, A New Beginning )and that click takes me to the last post I made on your thread.
My Stuff is also how you change your signature or other parts of your profile. Just click Edit Profile if you want to do that.
Let me know if my explanation wasn't clear, or if I can help you find anything else.
Do your BEST to stay away from H right now. It just won't help things to have an emotional confrontation. I think you know that too, I just want to remind you. Gosh honey, hugs to you.
Take care!! <3
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
Hi K Sorry to hear about your latest upset Hang on in there, you're in for a bumpy ride! Sometimes I feel like giving up as well. My H hasn't got an OW as far as I know. He's just going through a MLC/depression. Nothing I can do about it apart from wait and be patient
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
OK will I got home from work tonight and H already starting to move things out today he is moving more things tomorrow. I know I keep saying this but I'm not ready and very scared not having him here anymore after being married for the last 13 years. Im actually going to check out a church tomorrow with a co worker tomorrow cause she doesn't want to go on her own so she asked me if I would go with her. I told her to give me a call in the morning.
M:42 H:37 M:14yrs S:13; S:9 Found out PA:8/2012 2nd PA & still w/OW:4/2013 H asked for D:6/2013 H moved out: 8/2013 H & OW moved in together: 8/2013
Now I'm really scared now I had called and asked H for his new address so when our sons schools registration come in The mail soon that I will need that info. I got no text or he didn't even answer his phone. I don't know what to do if he acts thus way now I'm I going to get the money he said he is going to give me for the boy's? I don't get why as soon as OW text or calls he is right there answering her back not even a second pass by he answers her right away. And for me it could be hours or days before I get a responds back from H.
M:42 H:37 M:14yrs S:13; S:9 Found out PA:8/2012 2nd PA & still w/OW:4/2013 H asked for D:6/2013 H moved out: 8/2013 H & OW moved in together: 8/2013
K, I feel for you I really do So pleased that you're going to try another Church, you will get a lot of comfort through that Try not to get in touch with H, let him initiate the contacts from now on. Just send him a text asking him what you need as regards to the boys. I don't know my H's new address and I've not asked him for it. I am not bothered where he is living, he's not at home so why should I! Just put on the school registration form - address unknown and don't ask him for his address again. From now on it's all about you. Don't be scared, you'll be fine I've been married 21 years and I've suddenly found myself on my own. You will cope, God only gives us as much as we can cope with and trust in the Lord that he knows best for you Try and keep your mind occupied with doing other things instead of worrying. Get a board game out and play with your sons, watch a DVD together with some popcorn or sweets as if you were in the cinema, play video games with them etc. Start helping your H move his stuff out, get a cardboard box and pack his stuff up for him. Now what can you do with that empty space where his stuff used to be? When he's moved out, re-arrange the furniture, have a good spring clean and a tidy up. De-clutter and have a yard sale or a boot sale. If he doesn't pay up with what he said he would, contact your lawyer and get the money off him that way. I hope I've helped Stay on here, this will help you talk about things and others will be able to give you suggestions as well Have a great day
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
180 I know I'm stepping away back down again but I just don't understand why he is traeting me this way. I know that everyone keeps telling me that I will be fine deep down I'm so afraid that I will loose everything , which I already did with my marriage. I hope that I will be able to move on but now the day is come and he will no longer be here and I dont know if he will keep in contact with me at all. Maybe I should just do what my father told me just go and file for a D and get it over with it. I don't know anymore what to do. I know everyone keeps telling me what I need to too. The true reason for all my ups And downs like this is because all of my relationships I every had always ends up like this. So when I meet my H I thought he would be so different from the rest of them and he was up until he got into great shape he lost over 70 pounds. And now he looks really good and all these other women started to flirt with him. The only difference between the other relationships I had and The one with H is now I have two kids that I have to look after and I'm very far away from my hometown and far away from my nears blood relatives. Im just so afraid that I won't be able to make it.
M:42 H:37 M:14yrs S:13; S:9 Found out PA:8/2012 2nd PA & still w/OW:4/2013 H asked for D:6/2013 H moved out: 8/2013 H & OW moved in together: 8/2013
I just don't understand why he is traeting me this way
Because he has to. Your H has to be distant from you in order to walk away. There is a part of him that is still conflicted - didn't he say that to you recently? There is a part of him that knows he's doing wrong. In order for him to ignore that little voice, he has to ignore you and the boys.
Does that make sense to you K? If your H had to face your pain he would have to face his guilt so he's avoiding that.
This is one reason why we LBS's are to remain calm and not be sad or nasty to the WAS. If we show them our pain it pushes them farther away. If we show them our anger it justifies their behavior.
Your H is simply doing the next step through his crisis. He has to work through this horrible thing. 180 was right. If you can put on a calm face, help him move. Help him through this crisis.
Originally Posted By: kelela
I don't know anymore what to do.
That's ok. You don't have to know what to do. In fact, as upset as you are right now, its best if you don't do anything. Don't make any decisions. Just get through each day, each hour, each minute. Keep breathing.
I really hope your church experience is a good one. Church is about more than worship K. Its about fellowship and support. I've belonged to great and not so great churches - and the great ones really made a difference in my life. If by chance you aren't crazy about the church you try today I hope you would be open to trying another because churches are as different as people are different.
You aren't alone K. You have your blood family who loves you and will be there by phone/computer for support. You have your MIL who is in your corner. You have friends who will be there for you. You have this forum. And maybe, you'll have a church as well. That adds up to a lot of people on TEAM K.
And, you have you. You are better than you know K. Its overwhelming and awful right now - so you might not believe me at this very moment, but you have strengths you don't even know about. You will be ok.
Keep breathing honey. (((kelela)))
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
What you are going through is as hard as dealing with a death in the family or cancer.
This is so so hard. Please take the time to do everything you can to save yourself.
Falling into despair would be easy and normal but I can tell from your posts you are stronger then that.
1. Find a local support group - church, divorce support meetings, I recommend Alanon even if alcohol is not involved.
2. Take care of yourself - buy yourself little things that make you feel good and make your day easier. I know money is prob tighter these days but these little happy things can make all the difference. I liked treating myself to starbucks and buying lipsticks constantly at the drug store
3. Delve into your hobby. Maybe working out, maybe guitar - something.
4. Write a gratitude list every night
miz is right they have to become zombie/robots or they would recognize that their actions are so horrendous it would bring them to their knees.
You have a very wise mother in law.
Keep posting
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
It'll be a lot easier to do a 180 when he leaves 
Hang on in there, you're in for a bumpy ride! Sometimes I feel like giving up as well. My H hasn't got an OW as far as I know. He's just going through a MLC/depression. Nothing I can do about it apart from wait and be patient