When i was collecting debt for a living, a lot of the clients I dealt with were wondering why I was willing to accept small payments on larger debts. I explained that the small payments stopped the calls, stopped the accumulation of interest, and moved the account in a positive direction.
The same principle applies to you. You are making deposits in her love bank account. Keep making the deposits. No withdrawls.
“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out” ― Art Linkletter
Oh, I confused things - I liked your line, but what I didn't remember from DR was:
"If you and your spouse are separated and s/he wants little to do with you, consider it a baby step forward if your mate asks you for a favor." that LeftBehind quoted.
I've been getting a lot of those all of a sudden, so I am curious as to whynthe change, but.... I fear I'm in danger of threadjacking here, so I'll bunk back over to my own post. ;-)
I'm shallow and I focus on the shallow pieces of our lives because our wives are uncontrollable flakes .
Church is good. I fell away from it because of some extreme views that the old timers preached......but it feels good thinking there is a bigger plan....and hope:)
If your w reaches out be a friend - just don't overcompensate.
Keep up the diet, keep up the job search, keep up the exercise and the volunteering..........you give of yourself - at your own expense sometimes. Don't lose what you have gained in this short time.
I want you to be successful
I want you to be successful, too, buddy. You're too hard on yourself, you're not shallow!
You know I'm keeping all that stuff up. Down to 188 this morning! Haven't heard anything from my W today, but that's okay.
Church was good today. Met some really nice people and lit a candle for my W. Got together with my grade-school buddy for coffee, too.
Originally Posted By: MrCas
You are making deposits in her love bank account. Keep making the deposits. No withdrawals.
I'm not going to lie, I was kind of disappointed how my last text conversation (on 7/27) ended with my wife. I texted her something as part of the conversation and she didn't reply. No goodbye or anything. I hope it wasn't something I said.
I was hoping I would hear back from her later, but nothing. That's okay though, because I'm still GAL, still losing weight, still looking for a better job, and still keeping a PMA. Trying to keep expectations low and trying to keep detached or even improve detachment.
I re-re-read Chapter 3 (Goals) of DR last night. In it, MWD gave an example of the LBS of a separated couple setting goals. Do you think it is too early for me to do that? I know MWD says to keep the goals small and realistic, what do you think good goals would be for me?
I had a really good day yesterday, and I'm going to have one today, too!
We were talking about her illness. She specified what sort of procedure she was likely going to have to have, and I sympathized with her, said I was glad she had a good support group, and said that my mother had the same procedure and that if my W wanted to talk to someone who had been through it, I'm sure she would be willing to do that.
In hindsight, I'm worried that could be interpreted as pressuring. She was pretty close to my mother.
I'm not going to beat myself up too much over it, though. I'm going to learn from it and choose my words even more carefully in the future. NO EXPECTATIONS.
