Journaling, musing, pondering about things I *know* I can't say anywhere but here.
If she wonders why I don't just sell the house and move away (she did once, but hasn't asked again), there's the non-DBer inside me who wants to say:
"You know my hopes and dreams were all tied up in us moving together to our new home. (This was the last house I can foresee ever owning in my lifetime, given age and finances - just don't want to keep taking on mortgages that'll outlive me!) All the plans we made for home improvements and decorating together and were just beginning to implement. (My hours spent watching DIY shows and remembering all the work I did on our previous home was my prime GAL activity!). The office that was going to give me a better place to work, and the city that was going to let me return to the days when I could safely walk around the block to get the exercise I need to maintain my mental and physical health."
I just hope she *knows* all of this, even if it's just a tiny seed of a thought.
I'm just a little off-kilter today because of the seemingly massive change in her, literally over night (see previous few of my flood of posts). From looking haggard and exhausted to cheerful and happy. I know this is still right in keeping with WAS behavior, but it's still a shock to the LBS with an overactive imagination. Anyway, I *know* that I'm not to base how I feel on how she looks/acts/what she says, etc.
Did my meditation today, and am going to exercise a bit.
