Questions without answers...am I stuck in place?

[Notlikingthis]

Dawn, I am sorry that it's come to this. I think that you're doing the right thing by telling him to leave and giving him a specific date. He needs to hit bottom before he will be able to move from the place that he is stuck. You will breathe easier and feel 100% better after he's gone. I struggled with the same behavior with my h (except no anger). Says he loves both of us and that he didn't want to make a decision....too hard to let go of me and the life that we've built but can't be without her. They most definitely get a high from a new relationship, that's why they can't let go of ow. In their mlc state they think that what they can handle the turmoil that they are causing themselves. As some of the other posters have suggested, we have to let them make choices so that they can learn a very hard lesson.

Imho, for the ones that zero in on a single op, it becomes or is an addiction. I realized that when I suggested that to my h. He didn't agree but didn't deny it either. A few days later in a convo with the ow he told her that he loved her but not because he was addicted to her. Addicts DENIAL! LOL They know what they're doing is wrong but can't/won't get the help that they need.

Dbing is all about us and taking care of ourselves while they are on their journey. We don't have to wait for them to "wake up" or complete their journey. It's a choice that most of us make, to wait or stand but in the process we are still making ourselves the number one priority. If that involves asking them to leave so that we can have peace or allows us to move forward then we must do it.

I wouldn't worry that you are pushing him into the arms of the ow. It may speed up your h journey just a bit. From the reaction that he had to your asking him to leave, I suspect that he is going to start spiraling downward toward the bottom and his behavior will be even less tolerable, if that's possible. Let her deal with it!!!! While I didn't ask my h to leave and even thought that it would be better if he stayed in the house, I found that I have so much less stress since he has been gone.

Go with "Big girl Dawn" and let him go for now. YOU will be surprised at how much less stress there will be in your life. I'm thinking about you and praying that God will take care of you and your family.