Falling Down 100....Getting Up 101

[RosaLinda]

I agree with Miz. J, Portia, that you sound thoughtful and a bit sad, but to me you also seem so much stronger. Who wouldn't be sad at having the person she trusted and loved the most in this world just "fall off the face of the earth" like your SO has? 

You seem to have managed to have accomplished that elusive goal of every Stander Portia - to have somehow blocked out or cast out your expectations where your SO is involved. Yet you say that you think it would still hurt if you contacted him again and he did not respond. 

To me this sounds perfectly natural, but at the same time, horribly disappointing. I have truly been trying, very unsuccessfully, to blot out my expectations of kindness, of caring, even of any response, like you. 

I think my problem is that I cannot get it thru my head that my H really does not love me any more. At least not at this time. I don't know how, but I keep forgetting. 

I guess in a few weeks, I'll understand what you have been going thru. I hope to hear from my H when he's in Moscow, but won't be surprised if I don't. I know I'll be dying to contact him, but will be heart broken if he does not answer. So I'll try not to. 

I'll try to not to be full of fear and instead to be as strong as you are Portia, to learn from all you've been thru. You are really doing great. 

I'm so proud to hear you say "the person he is NOW is someone who would have to do a lot of work for me to accept him back in my life."

That IS sobering, and very perceptive.