Two roads diverged in a yellow wood...

[mizjjd]

Also, should I retract my ultimatum about the marriage counseling and tell him to just take the time and space he needs?

CP,

I see you as very wrapped up in your H right now. Forgive me, I haven't read your entire sitch and don't have a good sense of your time line.

Whether your H is in "mid-life" or "other" crisis doesn't matter as much as just knowing he is indeed in crisis. Acknowledging this means you also acknowledge you may have YEARS of limbo land in front of you. THIS CANNOT BE RUSHED.

Sorry if this comes across as harsh CP, but you seem to be spinning way out of your control. Slow down. Breathe. Read the question from your last post above in red. Now read all the relevant quotes I pulled from your own thread below.

NO, no, and no. Don't go to counciling. It won't help since he has checked out of the marriage. He'll go, say he tried to save the marriage but it is just not working.

SailingAlone is so right on this. No pressure, no relationship talks, no ultimatums.

Sailing Alone, you are probably right that counseling would do more harm than good.

I agree, no C or relationship talks for now. Concentrate ON YOURSELF. Hard to do right now I know, but it's the only way...

Don't "retract" anything, because in order to do that you would have to have an R talk. NO R TALKS!!

He doesn't seem to support me, or even care that I am around. I do all sorts of nice things that go unnoticed.

^^ This is VERY TYPICAL of someone in crisis!!

I do all sorts of nice things that go unnoticed. This sentence makes it sound like you have expectations. ZERO EXPECTATIONS!!

It feels like it is such a gamble. Yes, it is. Life is.

Or I could find someone who would treat me better and care for me.

Would that person be the father of your children?

CP, did your H treat you well and care for you before this crisis?

CP, do you believe your H is in crisis? If you do, then you believe he is experiencing CRUSHING EMOTIONAL AGONY. This agony leaves nothing, or very little, for anyone else. (He doesn't seem to support me, or even care that I am around. I do all sorts of nice things that go unnoticed.)

Yes, this may take years - but you go through those years one day at a time. Focus on the here and now. Ask yourself, "Can I DB for today?" Tomorrow, ask yourself again.

I think you would benefit from a different perspective. Have you read Cadet's links? Have you read DR or DB? Have you read other books on MLC and/or depression? Education on these things will be very helpful to you.

Keep things sunny, light and easy. NO R TALKS Find a source of patience for yourself - prayer, meditation, IC, exercise.

Post here often. The questions you are asked and the irritating comments will help you think think think. And grow and learn and strengthen.

What are your 180's? What are your GALs?

Take care.