KK. I land in N station at 10:30- should have no probs
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
Ruby, your posts always bring a smile to my face. Seems you're doing really well! I need some dating lessons from you. I don't think I could ever kiss a guy on the second date. I was "a little" sheltered growing up: My first kiss was in college. Yeah, I know.
On Friday, I'll be in spirit with you guys. As I said before, once GTO gets your contact info, it'll be a lot easier to get together.
Well, Tori, there are things I have to do to sort out what's what. H has been pushing and pushing for me to date, so when he pushed me under the bus a few weeks ago, I thought that I have to let it go...so I did. This was social experiment number one.
So, a bit of thinking the past few days, reflection etc.
I back doored Hs FB and realized that the decision to get off was a good one. Nothing earth shattering, it just makes it easier to live in my own space instead of wondering "Why did he post that? Was it directed at me?" Because, it's not, I am not on FB So nothing obsessed me, just seems he is having a bit of trouble grappling with a few of his decisions in life.
My date made me realize that I made the right decision in standing...Am I a failed stander? lol. I love H, no one interests me at this point. I also realize I have some requirements in potential relationships that are non negotiable...like personality...personality is good.
I also wonder why some people (H) need other people? I can't mind read or anything, but he can't seem to be alone. I am not like that, maybe that is part of why the marriage hit the rocks...insight on the alone thing? It bewilders me. Sure, sometimes I am lonely, but it passes. Maybe H and I are just at different stages, I don't know.
I've never really needed anybody, whereas all H wanted was to feel needed, how do I reconcile that?
I also realize I have some requirements in potential relationships that are non negotiable...like personality...personality is good.
Lol! Yes, personality is good.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
I don't have any advice for you, but my H was the same way. He always had to be around other people, while I'm ok not leaving the house for days.
Don't get me wrong, I love to be with my friends and have good conversations with people, but I can be comfortable by myself.
XH has even told me that he realizes he can't be alone. I hope he will work on that and one day be comfortable with himself.
Unfortunately, as we all know, we can't "fix" our spouses. Just take care of yourself, so that no matter what happens between you and him, you'll be okay.
M36 XH34 M-5 T7 4/11 H confused 5/11 ILYB 6/11 OW discovered 7/11 I move out, OW over 5/12-OW2,done->new EA, but H wont file 9/12 H "best bf ever" to EA/OW3 3/13 H/OW break up H files 4/13 D 6/18/13
If you read "How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It," it gives you some reads on men on women on this front. In general, men do not leave a relationship unless they have something lined up, or at least the possibility of something. Women on the other hand, tend to be alone for a time. Again, these are generalizations, but he does go into more detail and it seems reasonable.
I wouldn't give up on the dating just yet. It kinda went the other way for me. I started hanging out with a friend without any other intentions, and that friendship continues to grow. The more we hang out, the more I laugh, the more fun I have, the more I see our common interests, and the more I'm attracted to her...and the more freaked out I get. Would have been nice to have 3-4 "no-go's" before running into her I think....but then again, if it went the other way, I'd probably prefer this lol
I used to think in terms of "soul mates" and such. I always believed my W and I were such great balances for each other, it felt like it was meant to me. And I went to great lengths to keep it together because of that. Now though, I believe there are a ton of "fits" for us out there...they just fit us in different ways.
Nope, not at all. First of all, no one knows what the future holds, right? But also, I think the fact that you made the decision to stand and that you did the work makes you a success.
I love H, no one interests me at this point.
Aint nothing wrong with that. You feel what you feel.
I also realize I have some requirements in potential relationships that are non negotiable...like personality...personality is good.
The main thing, no? Along with sense of humor and good character. Oh and nice to look at always a plus.
I also wonder why some people (H) need other people?
Insight on the alone thing? It bewilders me.
People are different. Though for some, I think having to have someone around all the time helps them avoid stuff - looking inward and dealing with issues.
I've never really needed anybody, whereas all H wanted was to feel needed, how do I reconcile that?
Not sure you have to reconcile it. I think his needs were just different than yours. You can speculate as to why, though, I am sure.
So nothing obsessed me, just seems he is having a bit of trouble grappling with a few of his decisions in life.