This situation just so echoed my experience at Thanksgiving last year, with me going to great lengths to give H options. I was trying to show the NEW me, flexible, going with the flow. But looking back I think it was still control, just more subtle. He didn't really care about my plan or lack of plan because for him it would all work out.
And it would have, because he's not a planner and if he didn't get to spend time with the boys on that day he would be fine with doing it another time.
He got confused, I got irritated and as it turned out it didn't matter because S20 was unable to go anywhere over the holiday so I stayed home with him.
After that I realized that what was important for me was maybe not as important for others and I should worry about what my plans were independent of H. If he had plans he could let me know eventually. If I had something planned that interfered, I could decide to change or not.
He resented a lot of things I did over the years and didn't let me know, so had he resented my having plans, it wouldn't have been a new thing. I can't control his perceptions.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
