H has told me a few times lately that he knows what he is doing to me isn't fair, he even said he knows that he has been a jerk!
Have you read DR?
Act "As If" you are ok. The less he sees you in pain, the better for your M.
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I am starting to feel that he is not worthy of my love, that I deserve better. In the beginning of all of this I was a little hopeful. But now, every day I debate back and forth about wanting to stay in this marriage. Lately, I have been leaning more towards wanting to separate, because I feel he does not care for me, or support me enough, and he is causing so much pain.
H's present self may not be worthy of your love, but his past self is, that's why you're here. Yes, he doesn't care for you/support you enough right now, but that can change. You can save your M.
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I have lost respect for him, and no longer feel like he is the man I married, that he no longer has integrity.
That's who he is now as he's dealing with his internal issues. It can change, but will take time.
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Sailing Alone, you are probably right that counseling would do more harm than good.
I agree, no C or relationship talks for now. Concentrate ON YOURSELF. Hard to do right now I know, but it's the only way...
Keep posting.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
