I like this conversation alot. Thanks so much friends.
"“If they loved me they would XXXXX as a function and degree of their love for me.” “Since they haven’t they must not love me”
That is something I am very much struggling with my new friend. Swap out the word "love" with "invest" and you have it. It is a victim mindset that I'm still working on breaking. Being patient and not initiating contact to combat it is very difficult.
However with my x - it is different. She's on a roadtrip in Texas (I didn't ask who with) and she sends me a photo with a sign.
"We don't skinny dip, we chunky dunk". We almost bought that sign when were together and gained weight when we gave up smoking.
I'm not "expecting" her to do that kind of stuff. Throughout the separation and divorce, she did condition me to not expect anything from her. For the last two years, I have grieved my x like she died.
And as I look back, I can see the growth in our new relationship since April. At first, She just texted a couple of thank you's for being open to the amends, turn into her asking how I am doing, turned into her sharing her growth with me, turned into her sending things that remind her of me.
Those ARE steps forward. I just don't know for what.. and I struggle with trusting that.
M(f): 43 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
