W has been quiet today. No idea why, trying to not let it bother me but it is on my mind. No response from my last email when I told her I had found a suitable MC. Is she ignoring it or has she not read it? Who knows.
At weekends when I have the kids my sitch is normally on my mind more. Last week when I thought we were done I hardly thought about her.
If I get no response by the end of Sunday do I bring it up about the MC in person or just leave that ball in her court until she is ready?
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
If I get no response by the end of Sunday do I bring it up about the MC in person or just leave that ball in her court until she is ready?
This isn't easy for her, T. If you were clear, then be patient. This shows confidence in yourself and compassion for her.
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
T, this issue about paying for the MC...it's also a boundary issue, your own boundaries with yourself.
You drew your line with your W about MC. She's maybe on board with that and you now find it will be a financial hardship for you. What if she doesn't have the money to pay? Or doesn't want to?
What will you do then?
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
I think what will happen is she will get an appointment in the next few months (slow on the NHS) to see a doctor of some sort and then they will decide what happens next.
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
1:26PM, 28 Jul - Wife: How are the babies? 1:39PM, 28 Jul - T1000: Other than S3's 'Adventures in Constipation' they're great! 1:40PM, 28 Jul - Wife: I'm horny 1:40PM, 28 Jul - Wife: You horny? 1:41PM, 28 Jul - Wife: Lol 1:41PM, 28 Jul - T1000: That's very....honest of you. :-) 1:42PM, 28 Jul - Wife: I'm lay in bed....dying for sex 1:42PM, 28 Jul - Wife: ;-)
(Sexual banter)
1:44PM, 28 Jul - Wife: When we gong to have sex? 1:44PM, 28 Jul - Wife: Going 1:45PM, 28 Jul - T1000: When we have started to work on our R. 1:45PM, 28 Jul - Wife: How can we work on it if we never spend time together? 1:46PM, 28 Jul - T1000: You asking me out? 1:46PM, 28 Jul - Wife: Maybe... 1:46PM, 28 Jul - T1000: Im not some cheap date you know. 1:47PM, 28 Jul - T1000: Well I am a bit. 1:47PM, 28 Jul - Wife: Would you like to stay here for a little bit after the kids have gone to bed. 1:47PM, 28 Jul - Wife: I'll order some food. 1:48PM, 28 Jul - Wife: Can't say that I might not try it on with you though....ha 1:48PM, 28 Jul - T1000: Lol 1:49PM, 28 Jul - T1000: That would be nice. We can have dinner together. Thats all it will be for now though.
(Sexual banter)
1:51PM, 28 Jul - Wife: Ha 1:51PM, 28 Jul - Wife: Ok. Dinner is fine. 1:52PM, 28 Jul - Wife: See you later. X 1:52PM, 28 Jul - T1000: Cool 1:52PM, 28 Jul - T1000: See you later. X :-)
Got to W's house. Played with kids. I put S3 to bed and then read S1 a story while W made dinner. We had dinner and chatted. Started off about the kids and then about general stuff. W went to get a drink and came back and mentioned about what should happen if the house sells. It came out of nowhere. Felt like she was marking her ground. Her stance is different to what it was a few weeks ago. Full agreement to pay off all debts (all in my name) and then split the money. That is what would happen anyway.
Did a bit more general chatting and then I asked if she got my email form Friday. She said she hadn't. She looked at her email then. We looked at the MC together online and she agreed to go to a session on Friday and pay half. I think we will only be able to go once a month but it's better than nothing.
She finds it a bit weird going to see a MC. She's worried we will come out of it really angry and then I will leave with the kids and we won't talk. I said that we should treat the MC as a separate thing. We go, we work on the marriage and we leave any resentment there if possible. We have the weekend apart to think about the session then we can discuss things on the Sunday. She's worried it's going to be hard. I said I think it will be hard, if putting a marriage back together successfully was easy more people would be doing it.
We talked about Retrouvaille, she is totally up for it just need to find childcare. I'm going contact them this week like Fartiltre said and see if they have any suggestions.
We chatted about general things again. She asked me if I wanted to have sex. I said that I do but we won't be doing it now. She asked me if I wanted to stay over and I said no thanks.
She asked me when we might have sex and why i'm am being the way I am. I said I promised myself I wouldn't rush anything so I'm not doing. I started to say more but she cut me off and said it's fine, you have your reasons.
I said goodnight to S and read him a story and left.
Text after i left: 8:43PM, 28 Jul - Wife: Really wanted to talk to you a bit more tonight 8:49PM, 28 Jul - T1000: Me too. Just getting a bit late. 8:49PM, 28 Jul - T1000: Thanks for dinner :-) 8:50PM, 28 Jul - Wife: You are welcome. 8:50PM, 28 Jul - Wife: You can treat me next time
(Sexual banter, I started it but probably shouldn't have done considering I turned her down many times.)
9:46PM, 28 Jul - Wife: Well I know how shy you are these days so now I've been knocked back I won't ask again. I'll wait til you feel ready. 9:47PM, 28 Jul - T1000: Fair enough.
No doubt there will be something that I remember later that was said tonight but thats it for now.
When should I start to show her some affection? When should we try a date?
I know it's not a rush and I'm not planning to do anymore that what we have done tonight until we have started seeing MC. I could easily hold back being affectionate or loving towards her too long because of my stance.
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
That's how it works in England? Taking a few months to get seen by a doctor to get a definitive diagnosis and treatment on something like bipolar disorder?
That's a little strange.
It could be shorter but here you tend to expect a possible few months.
I have medical insurance now because when I was younger I really needed an operation but because it wasn't life threatening I had to wait months for it. My parents ended up paying for it outright.
My W is on my medical insurance but because she has been treated for depression before she joined, mental health isn't covered.
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
You are way ahead and in a completely different ballgame than I am, but if I ever get there, I truly hope I will be able to do handle myself like you have done the last days!
I believe you are doing GREAT!
I keep my fingers crossed and hope Retro-people will find a solution for you.
F
Me:44 W:43 D7, D5 (S11 from other R)
T: 8y - not M ILYB: 8. Mar 2013 W moved: 1. Aug 2013 LRT: 20. Aug 2013 _______________________________ Do or do not – there’s no try.
