I TOTALLY hear you. Once I was at the Paedatrician's office when Ryan was 5. He had spent more days that year in hospital than not. We were there following 7 seizures in one day. I saw a parent from my studio with her daughter. She said "I can't believe we are here again. Twice in one month. She just can't seem to get rid of this cold!" Hmm... All you can do sometimes is smile and nod. (And think - you stupid beyotch - can't you see what is going on here?)
Girls are harder to parent as teens. PERIOD! (and that's a big part of it - HORMONES). Boys are just dumb as teens. Like my nephew. The other day he and some friends were playing with BUTANE! He has severe burns on his leg. DUMB! But dumb is easier to deal with that trouble. I don't think any of our boys got into big trouble as teens. Just that DUMB stuff.
Teen girls are full of drama. With Ashley it was crying. "my boyfriend didn't text me "good night" - he always texts good night. He must be breaking up with me!" She often pulled herself inside her hoodie and just moaned. She constantly wanted to vent to me yet in the morning when she came downstairs and I said "Hi" - she would say "don't talk to me". Yep - that was little miss Debbie Downer! LOL! Glad to say she finally outgrew that!
But yes - raising a special needs child DOES make you change your perspective. Sure kicked me to the floor. But once the dust had settled, I picked myself up, dusted myself off and said "let's figure out how we are going to make this work". Ex just settled on "Oh Poor Me!" and it never got better. Best he is not around.
Josh is here for Ryan and I. He never thinks "oh poor me". He could bail if he wanted. Instead - he helps. He supports. He never takes on my role but he does listen to my frustration and in his own, calming way - helps me figure it all out.
It is calm. Calmer than it has been in a LONG, LONG time. The routine is almost seamless (I'm afraid to right this - stuff has a way of falling apart). We only have 2 workers right now. Yet they are both very dedicated to him. I feel secure. Even more so than when we had 5 workers.
I saw Catherine's photo on the front page yesterday for Gay Pride week here. (and please don't take it that I'm anti-gay - I AM NOT!!!). But the sight of her made me want to vomit. She did THAT much damage. I am SO glad she is gone. I never wrote her a letter or withheld payment (as much as it was justified) - I just let it all go.
I am in a good place. I will work through my stuff with Brandon & Ashley. It's just stuff. There's always gonna be some stuff. & it's still best not to sweat the small stuff. And it's all small stuff these days.
