A friend of mine pointed me in the direction of the website and from what I've read I am at least relieved to not be the only one going through similar situations.
Basically, my W wants to separate. I've always struggled with depression but earlier this year, it got so bad that I actually went to the doctors and got prescribed something. A big step for me since I don't even like taking aspirin for a headache. I was blue and down and then I realised that actually, I didn't want to feel like this and wrote out an extremely long list of things I could do to improve my life.
At no point did leaving my W (30, I'm 36) and 2 children (5 and 3) appear anywhere in that list, nor will it ever. But that is what's going to happen.
While all this was going on W was falling for someone in an evening class she took. I had my suspicions so I broke one of Sandi2's rules and checked her phone. She promised me there was nothing more than holding hands and cuddling just to have that feeling of comfort. Unfortunately, she left herself logged into her email when she went out one night. I couldn't help myself and looked, confirming my suspicions that sex had been involved. I questioned her on this and she promised me it was just the once but she's lied to me before so why wouldn't she lie to me again?
Anyway, she says she's not happy and hasn't been happy for a long time. She had her sign language class and is part of a choir but the other person goes to both and I, by "making" her stop going them (and other events where I knew this person would be) was deliberately stopping her being happy. She never reached that decision on her own, knew that going out would hurt me but went anyway. I actually had to actually say to her it was them or me. And it was me. For about a week. I don't want her to be recluse or exist only for me but I wanted her to see that maybe, just maybe, I should come first for once. She didn't.
Now it's 3 months later and it's 3 of the hardest months of my life. I've tried everything I can think of but she just doesn't seem to want to try. She has decided that separation is the only option and, since she won't leave "her" babies and the house is close to where the little ones have school and friends, I have to leave my house, lose my wife, my children, even the cat!
I've told her that if I go, I'm gone for good because I won't be able to come back and wonder if she's going to get sad and make me leave again. I guess I was hoping to shock her but even that wasn't good enough and tomorrow, I'm signing for a flat near where I work.
Since I got over the worst of my depression I've come to appreciate what cool little people the children are and love spending time with them. Now, I'm barely going to be able to see them. Paying for 2 houses means petrol is going to be a major luxury for me.
I know I'm messed up and have probably been doing a lot of the wrong things but I want this to work. I love my wife and I love my children and don't want to lose any of them.
Any advice on the above rant (I know it is lol) will be greatly appreciated but I do actually have one proper question. It's her birthday in August. The rules say no presents because it might seem like it's trying to curry favour. Is it okay for a birthday? Should I just get her little things "from the children" but nothing from me. Could really do with help on this bit.
