I've read your post a couple of times and I'm not getting what you're modeling.
In fact when I read what you wrote to your H, it made me anxious. In my mind I'm thinking "Just tell me what you want."
I realize it's not important for me to understand it but is it possible it could affect H in the same way. You know him, I don't.
It also reminds me of an email I sent H around Thanksgiving last year, I was trying to be super accommodating. He was confused. But then, he's not a planner.
Just rambling.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss