Don't understand, why now???? Plus what do I do??

[ct man 1969]

Well I finished the book in June. I don't know if the LRT will work given that there isn't much more time left, but I'm still trying.

My 180's are trying to spend more time w/ my daughters, doing more things around the house and trying to be pleasant with my wife as much as possible. The ability to bridal my tongue would go a long way with my wife if I had that ability 100% of the time. I still mess up with that.

GAL's are a little more difficult and maybe some of you could give me some pointers. My wife has really neglected the entire family, not just me. I've tried to point this out, and she's getting better, but she's not around much of the time. She blames me and that she just want to be around me. The problem to that argument is that if she didn't want to be around me, she could still take the girls with her. I think she just wants to party.

I go to a friends house for a bible study every Tuesday night and I go to an addiction meeting every Friday night. For the most part, my wife stays home those two days so that I can go to these, but there are times when she just doesn't come home after work and I can't go to these functions because I can't leave the girls home alone. I also go to the gym at least 5 times a week in the AM before anyone in the house is even out of bed.

Other than these things I really don't have a chance to GAL, because I need to tend to my daughters. Cook dinner and do things with them because their mom is out partying or just spending time anywhere but home. If there are things that I'd like to do, like go fishing, will it still be considered part of GAL if I include my daughters (if they'd even would like to go fishing, just an example in this case)?

Any suggestions and/or comments would be appreciated. Thanks and God bless.

[MrBond]

"My wife has really neglected the entire family, not just me. I've tried to point this out, and she's getting better, but she's not around much of the time."

Don't tel her this. It really could stem from the fact that she felt mistreated by you for so long that she just needs space to be her own person for a change. That's why she needs space.

"She blames me and that she just want to be around me. The problem to that argument is that if she didn't want to be around me, she could still take the girls with her. I think she just wants to party."

Stop 'debating' her. If she wants to be alone, let her be alone.

"Other than these things I really don't have a chance to GAL, because I need to tend to my daughters."

All that stuff you described ARE GAL. Continue to concentrate on your kids and your own health. Your W needs the time alone to vent and get it all out of her system. In fact, if you treated her as badly as you said you did before, you can't keep having expectations of how YOU think she should be acting. Even if it does concern your kids. Consider it a gift that you're giving her.

[ct man 1969]

OK..I will try my best. Like I said, I have a problem bridling my tongue. At least I'm aware of the problem and it's getting better, but still needs room for improvement.

A gift...that's a good way for me to look at it.

Thanks and God bless

[labug]

I have wonderful memories of learning to fish with my Dad. Take them fishing.

[ct man 1969]

The girls were both excited to go fishing when I asked last night. Bought fishing line and a license afterwards. When I come home from work tonight it will be time to dust off the fishing rods and teach them who to respool the reels. I'm so excited that they're excited.

By the way, how do I add the info a lot of you have on to my posts. The info about how old we are, how long together, etc. I couldn't figure it out.

Thanks

[ct man 1969]

I meant how to respool.

[labug]

Yay for fishing!

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[ct man 1969]

Wife has been coming and going as she pleases. Our daughters have been away at their aunts house, so my wife is just not coming home until after 10pm each night. I haven't tried to pursue a conversation or any contact at all. She just comes home and goes downstairs. I haven't actually physically seen her in a couple of days. I'm giving her the space she wants, but inside it just feels as if this just validates her actions as moving forward with the divorce is the right thing to do. Does this mean anything? Am I doing the right thing? This last resort technique really is the hardest thing I've ever had to do (as the book points out). But like I said, inside it just doesn't feel like I'm accomplishing anything.

[ct man 1969]

Just wanted to re-post to try to get some peoples input:

Wife has been coming and going as she pleases. Our daughters have been away at their aunts house, so my wife is just not coming home until after 10pm each night. I haven't tried to pursue a conversation or any contact at all. She just comes home and goes downstairs. I haven't actually physically seen her in a couple of days. I'm giving her the space she wants, but inside it just feels as if this just validates her actions as moving forward with the divorce is the right thing to do. Does this mean anything? Am I doing the right thing? This last resort technique really is the hardest thing I've ever had to do (as the book points out). But like I said, inside it just doesn't feel like I'm accomplishing anything.
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[ct man 1969]

My daughters went to summer camp yesterday and my wife decided to use the opportunity of them not being here to not come home at all last night. She texted me @ about 7pm to tell me she wasn't coming home. I just responded by texted "OK...thx..have a good time". But in reality my heart is being torn out of my chest. It doesn't seem like the last resort technique is working at all. How should I approach this? I don't even know if it's worth trying anything at this point. Should I even mention it at all? Please....any responses would be appreciated.