I have not posted here in 3 years but I have been constantly reading this board and it has helped me so much on this journey. It has been a painful journey, but given how much I have learnt about myself and people in general, I would never want to go back to the person I was before bomb day.
The story in short: xH and I were each other's first true love. 14 years together. Now in our late 30s. Sept 2009, xH breaks my heart telling me that "he does not know what he feels for me." Things were complicated by commuting (difficult/demanding jobs), so being in his city only several months a year made it more difficult for me to see the signs. After a 2 month attempt at MC, in Feb 2010 he wanted to separate. Prevented me from coming to our apt in his city, refused to come to our apt in my city, needed "his privacy," and asked for divorce over phone in April 2010.
He wanted to be out of the marriage asap (acknowledged that he is in MLC but blamed the marriage for his unhappiness), moved the jurisdiction of the divorce 3 times to get it faster, and in April 2011 the D became final. Don't know if there was PA, but definitely one or two EAs in 2009.
After half a year of almost no communication in Oct 2011 he "wants us to work on a book together." Stupid me fell for it. We started phoning and skypeing and reading things, then it becomes obvious to me that he is less interested and there must be a woman. Confirmed in March 2012. After that we had very little contact--I guess he went through the honeymoon phase of his new relationship/living with OW.
With the exception of an odd moment in fall 2012 when he wrote some song lyrics for me about a political incident in my city, there's been very little communication beyond "happy birthday" emails.
I am convinced he is still in MLC as his avoidance seems to suggest a lack of ability to just look back at things and draw conclusions. More than three years after BD, I am in a good state of mind. I like the new Fourleafclover, I do things that I enjoy and got better at work-life balance and drawing boundaries (as with all things, there's always room for improvement). I look good and my career has been flourishing nicely. I feel good in my own skin (well, on most days
Earlier in the year I have started dating and a few months ago I've met a guy who seems to be really nice. He was all fired up form the beginning, and I am more circumspect (as I know that such initial attraction doesn't last long), but aside from the great chemistry, he actually seems to be serious relation material.
My dilemma--while I know that I should not project into the future, and I am really trying to take things one day at a time, I am feeling that in order to give this new relationship all the love and nurturing that it deserves, I need to have some kind of closure about the past. SO: I am in xH's city and part of me wants to contact him to figure out if I should really close the door or if I should pull back from this new relationship and just wait for xH to wake up (which might never happen).
I know it's a bad idea to contact xH, but I need reinforcement in my thinking from you, wise folks.
