So I'm really hurting tonight. My friends that me and the kids have been staying with this week on vacation called my W. she talked to her about how things were going while we were gone and if she had time to think any more while we were gone. The W told her she went to counselor on her own and that the counselor said that she was glad she was also going to MC. Our friend asked if there was anything they could do or talk to me about and the W said she just wanted me to acknowledge that all she wants is a D. The friend talked to her for a while about how difficult it is emotionally, physically, financially, not just on each of us, but also the kids. She has been through it before.
W said she has thought of all those things, but doesn't think there is anything that can change her mind. She brought up a conversation from 6 months ago where she told me if I wanted to be married to her, certain things had to change. They didn't change, or at least not enough until after she told me she was done. Now she admits that the changes have taken place, but she doesn't feel I deserve any more chances because these are things we have talked about before.
Now I am set to drive 10-12 hours back home tomorrow to a person that doesn't want me there and has said she isn't leaving and she knows I'm not leaving the house. She also said she wished I would act 'normal' and happy and stuff. I am going to try very hard for that (I read the 37 rules).
My problem is that if I acknowledge or agree to a D, I think she would file Monday, where as the longer I keep her from filing, the longer I have to show her who I am now. She said to our friend that one of the two of us will be moving to the spare room in the basement. Well, it won't be me. I'm not disrupting my life more because of what SHE thinks she wants.
She also said that she won't do a separation because she feels by us being in separate rooms is good enough. Even though the separate rooms are only for sleeping. All the household stuff, kid interaction, finances, everything is still joint, so it isn't like she is going to get a taste of what it will really be like.
