The financial implications hit me today, im so overwhelmed now, i'm going to lose 85% of my business with the divorce. (since I basically work for my wife's family).
I do agree with Sailing, just because your M is "ending" (not necessarily, just today), why would her family want to hurt your livelihood and their grandchildren? I would contact them and say something along the lines of "I am so sad we are in this situation, however, I hope we can continue to work together as we always have so I am able to provide for OUR children.
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I'm just stunned as to my next steps, I couldn't even get up to work today. Seems the whole world just collapsed on me. I'm not sure if I should go dark (would that be abandoning the kids?)
No, it wouldn't be abandoning your children because at their ages I have to assume you are able to contact them and make plans with them without involving their mom. Just as they make plans to see their friends w/o involving their mom, they can do that with you - and courts give kids the right to decide at 13 in most states.
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I have a few options, none I like, I can go live with a brother in Washington, go live with a brother in Utah, or attempt to stay here and try to build a construction co. back up in a terrible economy. With the debt im facing, i'd need to make at least 3k a month to cover expenses, much less gas the truck, feed myself, and keep roof over my head. My credit is excellent but my debt ratio is blown up.
This is a valid concern when your income is cut, can you move to a cheaper place w/o leaving your kids?
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This has gone from doing pretty decent to within 2 weeks, a complete reversal. Guess OM has more of a hold than I thought possible.
Is this when u implement going dark?
Guessing that this is due to OM is mind reading, don't go there. Maybe she is just upset, scared, etc. about the news she has received.
Going dark? In "normal" circumstances, probably, however with an illness in the picture that may not be the best idea. I think SA and MM are right when they say don't initiate contact but don't ignore her. I may add in that you might tell her something like "I am sorry you are facing xx. I understand that you don't want to share anything with me about this right now but I am here to help you with xx if you change your mind"
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What you might try is to show your W that you will get on with your life regardless of a D or not. Keep a PMA and show her happiness/contentment whenever you interact. It will be the opposite of what she will expect.
Definitely...and don't move away from your children if you can afford not to.
Good luck
M 46 H 44 D 12 S 8 M 9 T 11 BD 2/15/13 "Makes sense to stay together" 5/12/13 Agree we are 'healing' 7/13 Definitely Piecing 9/13
