Thanks, lovethehub. Very thoughtful and thorough summary. Some hard truths, but my head already knew them, if my heart doesn't quite get it.
There has been more instances of her asking about how I'm doing and also asking me for help with little things. She also asked if she could bring me some groceries, and how I was getting them. I thanked her and said I'd think about it. I'll tell her it's not necessary, because this is was always an issue for us - she always wanted me to help with the shopping more even if she wasn't working and I was, and I often moped, whined and fussed about it. I don't want her having those thoughts while shopping for me! But I'll thank her again for asking.
I have stopped cold with mentioning R, OM, my situation here, etc. and have been validating if she says something that indicates she's feeling bad about something, or is angry about something, or whatever her feelings are. She'll be stopping by tomorrow to pick up the chair. I already got the lawn mowed, and I'm going to clean the house thoroughly, and I will be clean and shaved and lookin' good, not looking sad, depressed, or generally icky. :-)
It was too late to stop my coaching session that I'd already scheduled, but it was very productive and didn't feel like a waste of money to me. Laurie is very good at making sure I have a plan and the main focus was promising her and myself that I won't make major decisions on a bad day. She's also very good at helping me sort through all the inputs and help decide if some things are positive changes based on past experiences and my particular relationship with W VS just generalization.
