suckerpunch, just letting you know I am in the same time period. My W BDropped 9 months ago. In those 9 months we have had very little (see all of my topics) communication, either text, face to face, email or phone. We haven't had any talks about us, what went wrong (apart from the first few weeks) or the future. She has constantly (in the few times we have communicated) confirmed it is over, doesn't want reconciliation, no MC and she wants to move on. Then out of the blue last weekend she initiates a text. The day before my reply to the solicitor about our assets being divided. During our meeting, I find out she isn't the happy, new life type person she made herself out to be. She looked unhappy and emotional. She hasn't made any changes in moving on, or improving herself mentally. And I think that is the whole point of DB. We the LBS start to improve ourselves. Some go the whole extreme and work on their diet, fitness, looks (clothes, haircut etc), but mostly we work on our mental self. That is the change they see and others see (family, friends) see. That is a big thing when they are not working on themselves. They see a new us, a better us, while they still struggle with just blaming us for what has happened. So suckerpunch, while I don't have OM to worry about, I still have the same time period as you. My long term (at this stage) is to simply think: My W had to deal with my faults/complaints for many years, so why the heck can I not put up with her faults (walking away) for some time?
I like that. Wife did have to put up with my BS for a long time. I can put up with hers as well.....not that I didn't already, during the marriage ;-)
In regards to my sitch, wife has put a lot of effort into herself. She has done some soul searching and thinking about who she is and where she wants to go. She has been eating right, working out and drinking less. Prior to, and after BD, wife was a borderline alcoholic. Now, her drinking has tapered off to very little. Perhaps, that is a good influence from OM, who apparently doesn't drink much at all....but neither did I. Wife is happier than she was at BD. This I also know. Wife is not that good of an actor. I think a big portion of her new found happiness can be attributed to her moving on with another circle of friends, new activities and a new romantic interest. For obvious reasons, she is going to be distracted, having fun and staying busy. She doesn't have to be worried about real world issues, like day to day family things....who picks D up from school, how are we going to pay the credit cards off, etc. She is just focusing on having fun. Bottom line, She is off and running. She's stubborn. She has also been sectioned off (a lot by her own doing) into a corner, where even if she wanted to come back, pride and guilt wouldn't allow it. She has distanced herself from friends, from family, from our daily routine. For her to return, would be extremely difficult. To be honest, I have also given a lot of thought to the infidelity aspect. I am not so sure I would be able to get over the fact that my wife and mother of my daughter has more than likely slept with another man.....Just not sure if I could do it.
I am not going to give the marriage much more thought. She is heading down her own road, and I can't worry about it. I am just going to keep my distance, take care of myself and hopefully life will treat me nicely. At this point, I am going to start living my life as a happy, healthy, single man. Daughter will be my primary focus when she is with me. When she is not, I will relax and enjoy the free time....what else can I do?
