Wow, you're so right. It is all controlling. But then it scares me/makes me sad. What if he wants to work things out someday, but he's exactly the same; selfish and with different priorities. That would be a really hard life for me to continue leading.
You can play the "what if" game for eternity, but I don't think it's helpful. What you can do is work on your stuff, make you the "woman only a fool would leave," and make yourself happy. After you get to that point, THEN you can start to make some decisions about what you want out of life. You'll undoubtedly see changes in your H as you start to make changes in yourself....but don't worry about what they'll be for now.
This is hard work, and you are just at the beginning of it. I'm going to let you in on a little secret. You are unhappy because of you...you own it. Your H is not the source. Even if he allowed you to control him, and let you be his puppeteer, you'd still be unhappy. Once you dig into some of these issues, once you get past them, you'll be amazed at how happy you become....regardless where you M is.
