2 year A confirmed

[complicated]

I haven't been on in a while so I thought I should update.

I have been at this since about 2010 when things pretty much had fallen apart and he said he didn't love me anymore. Not sure if that is when I got the ILYBINILWY speech or not.

I have finally reached a point where I ran out of patience shovels. I think what did it for me was after the revelation of the A and h saying he stopped it then he went back.

I thought I was going to be able to keep standing but I think after 3 years and taking the verbal abuse it finally wore me down.

I don't regret making the changes I did because I needed to make them. I do see that I am a much better person. I also think that if/when I get into another r I will be a better partner.

What I finally realized was that I wanted to find a special person to spend time with. I love spending time with my kids but they are getting older and they have their own friends to hang out with. I like doing things with my friends but I miss having that special person to share other things with and having that special relationship that 2 people in love share.

I have never been one to cheat. I could never even cheat on a boyfriend I wanted to break up with so for me dating while still married is not an option.

I told h 2 nights ago I could no longer stand and fight for our m. It was very tearful. I have spent more than half of my life with h and I thought we would spend the rest of it together. There were things he said that told me he may not be done such as he said that if we stayed together he wanted to move because that house has painful memories.

But more often he is argumentative and puts me down and blames all of his unhappiness on me. Apparently he is not done baking enough to know that only he can make himself happy.

I continue to be nice to h even when he puts me down. I have just said that if he cannot say anything nice to please leave me alone. I told him I refuse to argue with him. I also told him that I knew and God knew that I gave it everything I could and at the end of the day and that is what mattered.

Today he continued to argue through texting. While they are going through this they just done't get it.

I feel like I am in a good place. Everyone on here has really helped me see that we really will be OK whether or not we save our m because we have saved ourselves.

I think it will still be difficult going through the d but I feel like I am better prepared for it. I think in total I have been going through this for at least 4+ years when you add in everything which includes a 3 year affair. He finally admitted to it being 3 years.

Thanks to everyone who has posted and helped me get there and even those who didn't reading other people's threads helped tremendously.