The hardest decision - need advice, please!

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DMR,

I saw your post to me on another page, sorry it took a few days, don't seem to have much computer time anymore.

First of all, weird coincidences - I used to live in CO and now I live about 45 mins south of Saratoga!

Here are a few things I can suggest:

Do your best to improve your self talk, it is very negative. "I am stuck in this crappy house" doesn't help you. I am sure it feels that way, esp being there alone but try to remember why you bought it in the first place and change that thought to "It is so peaceful out here", or whatever. If you can start making small changes to your thoughts, your situation will feel better before anything even changes..except your mind!

LRT - absolutely. However, do not feel that her signing divorce papers means it is over. As you know, there are people on this forum who have R after D.

I know it is hard to not send that text, email, leave a message, whatever when she contacts you and even harder not to slip up and say too much. That being said, you MUST master this. I can guarantee you that MWD is right and when you profess your love she is turned off right now, when you say she doesn't have anything in common with OM she thinks how much better he is than you (Not saying he really is but he is in her mind, right now)and thank God you didn't send flowers!

I don't know what is going on in her mind but I do know that the vets are all correct, there isn't anything you can say or do today to change her mind. Just keep focusing on you. Every time you have a negative thought (about anything), replace it immediately with a positive one.

If your WAW was lonely and unhappy for years, it isn't going to take 2 months away with her seeing a little change in you to make her want to work things out. Your only job right now is to improve you. You cannot do it for your M, you have to do it for YOU, because you want it. It may save your M in the long run but that cannot be the only reason you make changes. You know what happens then, you end up back here because you change back after your WAW returns.

It sounds like she does reach out for things she doesn't need to so she may be confused about what she wants. Even if she moves full steam ahead, she may be unsure inside and ignoring those warnings.

Right now, your W probably thinks OM is the best person ever, she probably thinks they are "meant" to be together, etc.. She has no reason not to because he filled a void that she had for a long time, a void left by your M, she is feeling happier than she has in years. You cannot compete with that and anything you do to try to will just turn her off and push her further away. What you can do is work on yourself because one day (a month, 6 months, 12 months?) she isn't going to have blinders on regarding OM and how amazing he is. That is when she is going to look at you again and wonder what she gave up. Is she going to see a depressed ex or a man only a fool would leave?